long day

So, all my drama fans... no major drama to share with you today. Just a very busy, and very long day.

Still trying to cram in as much training as I can to get out of this admin roll at work. (Thanks Rob, if you're reading! And sorry about being a PITA this afternoon.) The training and workload balance have been a pain. And I kind of came unglued a bit this afternoon at work. Been thinking through it ever since. I think there are multiple issues here...

While I enjoy learning, it's like I've been dealt a second hand of cards in a one hand game. I'm still doing everything I've been doing since I started, and now as I move through the training process, I have an entirely separate set of responsibilities. Imagine working two jobs at the exact same time, all day long. That's what it feels like. Though my managers are working towards "growing" me and moving me through the mill, the rest of the team (except Rob, since he's in on the training) still see me as the go to for all the nitnoid crap. For a group that didn't have dependable support for so long, they surely know how to offload junk they don't want to deal with. It's really hard to be told to "ramp up as fast as you can" by a manager, but the team still sees you in the same roll and haven't been told any different. So, I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

Then there's the issue of ownership. In my opinion, if I'm good enough to do the job, I'm also good enough to be named as the owner. I take responsibility for whatever I do... good, bad or indifferent. I would also like to take credit for the good instead of being sent mixed messages and having the ownership (and success) fall into the lap of someone else.

Don't get me wrong. I really like my job. And I hope to be around there for longer than my contract days. But some days, and some actions, and some mixed messages really make me say "hmmmmmmm???". Maybe I just don't understand the game? Or maybe it's just that the rules have changed? When I first started this job I was told "forget everything you thought you ever knew about corporate culture from other jobs..." Maybe that's the problem. I'm overanalyzing. Hell, I don't know?

What I do know is tomorrow is Friday. My son is away for the weekend and I can do (or not do) anything I want. That alone will put my weary mind at ease tonight and get me through another day of whatever crap may come my way.