Friday, August 24

it's a beautiful day in this neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor

Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?

Anyone of you wonderful people looking to move? I'm looking for some new neighbors and I'd like to hand pick the best of them. I sat and watched my property value decrease last night, which may or may not be a good thing, but that's a whole other story.

I know you remember my letter to Mrs. A. If not, click here and catch up. Well the animals were uncaged again last night. Actually, they've been uncaged for the past two or three nights, but last night evil spawn child was up to his old nastiness. Hitting. And hitting a girl nonetheless. Oh yeah. Screaming in his whiney tone and then hitting another neighbor girl not once, but three times. She hit him back (hehe). But the madness didn't stop there. The fight was over who was going to drive this. That's right, a Barbie jeep. And guess who this jeep belonged to? Yup, the neighbor girl who was getting hit.

And where was Mrs. A during this outburst. She was pulling weeds in her front yard. The one time she is actually out there to witness the insanity and she does nothing. Acted as if she couldn't hear or see any of what was going on. Even when the neighbor girl told her evil spawn was hitting she just told him to sit down. That lasted all of 30 seconds when he jumped up to follow the girls into the house. Did she call him back outside? Give him a timeout? Lecture him about hitting? Of course she didn't.

But wait, there's more.

Some thirty minutes or so later all the same kids, and the same jeep, are now down at the back end of the loop we live on. In the jeep. In the middle of the road. With a pickup truck coming around the loop one way, and a minivan coming the other. And what do they do? Just sit/stand there and make the cars figure out how to get around them. Can you guess who was driving?

At that point my good neighbor was out mowing his lawn. He sees the cars, hears the kids, stops the mower and just stares down the road. Then he looks across the street at me. We both shake our heads and then have this short little conversation.

Me: "Well, I'm glad to see your daughter isn't down the street with the stoopids!"
Him: "No way!"
Me: "Yeah, cuz it's always smart for a plastic toy car to take on a pickup and minivan in the middle of the road."
Him: "When you don't have any parental guidance, what do you expect!?"

Oh, by the way, Mrs. A was still in her front yard weeding while we were yelling across the street having this conversation. She didn't even look up. I swear I think the doctor must have prescribed meds for the evil spawn, and instead of giving them to him, she's taking them herself.

But wait, there's still more.

For the past few weeks, the neighbors behind my nextdoor neighbors have decided it's okay to sit out on their patio between the hours of midnight at 2am smoking, talking, laughing, squealing and basically making too much noise. That combined with the little pug they have being chained up in the backyard barking and crying to come in at 3am has made for some not so good sleeping nights as of late.

Last night I was wiped. I actually went to bed before 10pm for the first time in weeks and was sound asleep when what do my sleepy ears hear? The noisemakers. At 1am. Normally I just shut my windows and turn on the ceiling fan to drown out the noise, but last night was so muggy there was no way I was closing myself in. So, I sat up and hollered "Shut up!"

At first they quieted down, immediately. But, of course, now I was wide awake, so I decided to get up and pee. No sooner had I gotten back into bed they're at it again, only this time louder. The exchange went something like this.

Me: "Shut up!" (more loudly this time than the first)
Them: "No! You shut up."
Me: "Some of us have to get up at 5am and don't appreciate being woken in the middle of the night."
Them: "Then shut your window."
Me: "Hell no! STFU or go inside."
Them: "Fuck you."
Me: "Whatever. Consider this your warning that I'm calling the cops."
Them: "Go ahead bitch."

With that I was more than wide awake. But they were quiet. And I assume they must have thought about it more and decided they probably didn't want the cops coming over cuz they got up, quickly put their butts out, and scrambled inside. Me? I lay down, tossed and turned for half an hour, then went downstairs to smoke a butt of my own. I think I finally fell back to sleep a little after 2am.

Won't you please?
Won't you please?
Please won't you be my neighbor?

TUN (Totally Unrelated Note): Guess what today is? It's PARTY time!!! That's right, in less than 12 hours the party's starting when I pick up Stace at the airport. Woo hoo!!! I am so looking forward to having her here. Don't know what's on tap for the weekend yet, but maybe we'll make a little noise. Hehe!



Sizzle said...

and to think i was annoyed at being woken up by the sounds of sex in the apartment next door. you have quite the neighbors!

hope you have an absolute blast with stace!

Freak Magnet said...

I know none of my neighbors. I have no kids, so I don't HAVE to know any of my neighbors. Life is so much easier that way.

Groove said...

Living next to the AARP crowd makes for a nice quiet neighborhood :)

I'd never mind being woken up by's probably payback!

Marni said...

A pug... outside... in the heat? I'd call the cops on them just for that! (I know. Not an offense)

Have fun with Stace!!!!!!

the weirdgirl said...

Ugh. We only lived in one bad area, and it wasn't even THAT bad, and I still won't go back to it. I'd rather live in a neighborhood full of old people. (Which I think was our next two neighborhoods after the bad one.)

At least the midnight neighbors got the hint. Sounds like devil spawn and family are a lost cause.

L.A. Daddy said...

Oh, the bummer of bad neighbors. That sucks.

But relax in the knowledge that the devil spawn child will grow up to be an obnoxious republican who will get elected to public office but end up disgraced in a sex scandal with a tranny prostitute.