Saturday, October 27

duck & cover

I don't post much about work, and there's a good reason for that. I work with a bunch of cliquish, entitled freaks. Now don't get me wrong here. There are people that work at the same company as I do who are some of my best friends. But the group I work with - they're a whole different breed.

There's this big ass deal about safety where I work, and the safety nazis in my building really, really go overboard with it. They conduct monthly walk arounds of the cubicles making sure we are being safe. They stop you in the hallway and remind you it's corporate policy to have a lid on your drink. They politely request that you take the elevator instead of the stairs if you are carrying something in both hands. And then there's the quarterly mandatory safety audits.

During our Monday staff meeting our head safety nazi informed us we were having an earthquake drill sometime later in the week. You would have thought we were asked to prepare for the Miss America pagent or something with all the questions being asked. "What do we do if we're in a conference room?" "What if I'm in the elevator?" "What about if I'm in the shower?" "If I'm outside, where do I go?" OMFG!! Are you serious? Have you not ever participated in an earthquake drill or an actual honest to god earthquake before? As always, the safety nazis took all these questions seriously and set out to get the answers.

A couple of days later we get an email detailing what we should do if we are here or there or wherever during the drill. We were also given the day and time of the drill because, ya know, we need to plan accordingly since major disasters such as earthquakes give us time to prepare during the actual event. Uh, yeah! My favorite answer of all was to the question "What if I'm in the elevator?" If you find yourself in the elevator during the earthquake drill, wait for the elevator to reach your floor, step out of the elevator and huddle against the nearest wall holding your hands over your head. Are you serious?? Yeah, because during a real earthquake the elevator is going to function flawlessly and actually arrive at your destination. Gack!!

The day of the drill finally arrived. And so did the predetermined and announced time.


(blink blink)

Several minutes after the scheduled time and obnoxious siren blares at ear deafening levels. And then, the voice. Someone actually droned on for several minutes providing instructions of what to do, where to go and whatever else they wanted us to hear while they had us captive under our desks, conference room tables, sinks, doorjambs, etc. And then it was over. Not a single safety nazi walked around to see if anyone was complying with the drill. WTH?

(blink blink)

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