Saturday, March 11

nothing exciting

Nothing exciting to report from the past week. Work (which apparently is now a taboo subject in blogland), not enough sleep, and being a not so nice mommy yesterday morning. Oh, and then there's the subject of piercings and tattoos... but that'll have to be another entry.

So the work news that I can post without fear of retaliation is that I had a very, very long week. Clocked 36 hours by the end of Thursday, so I bolted at 2:30 on Friday, came home home and had something to eat (since I'd missed lunch), and flopped on the couch to read. Now almost halfway through book four... Four to Score by Janet Evanovich. I'm sure by tomorrow I'll be on book five.

Not enough sleep seems to be a common problem for me. If I go to be too early, I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall asleep again until it's almost time to get up for the day (which is usually at the buttcrack of dawn anyway). Then, if I stay up later, I sleep without interruption, but then don't feel like I've gotten enough sleep to make it through the day. It's a shitty cycle to be on, but haven't found anything that works to change it.

Being a bad mommy always comes back and bites me in the butt. Hopefully this one won't, but I'm sure it will. A little background... Every week that precedes WJ's departure to his father's house for the weekend, I have to hear about how excited he is. Fine. Can't imagine what there is to be so excited about, but hey... I'm bitter. And I know the truth! But I digress. Yesterday morning the excitement just sorta pushed a button in me. Following is our conversation:

"I'm going to Daddy's today!" says WJ.

"Yes, I know."

"I'm so excited!!!" (said while jumping around and procratinating on getting ready for school)

"I'm happy for you," I reply.

"I love going to Daddy's!"

(At this point I am starting to boil. Thoughts of saying "Well, maybe you want to go LIVE with Daddy" are popping up in my head.)

I turn to him and say, "Ya know, I'm happy that you like going to your Dad's. But I have to tell you... hearing about it a hundred times throughout the week is really wearing thin. It makes me feel like you'd rather be there than here and don't like living in this house, with me."

"I love living in this house" he replies. (Totally missing the point, but of course he would... he's 5!)

Quiet for a minute while I dry my hair. I see his mouth moving but can't hear him over the dryer, so I shut it down.


"I love you!"

"I love you too."

Fast forward a bit to the drive to school.



"I love you. And I love our house."

"That's good."

"I just like to visit my Dad."

"I know."

Having this sort of conversation with anyone can be draining, but when it's with a 5 year old, it's disasterous. He doesn't get it. Hell, I'm not sure I even get it. Maybe one day it will all be clear. Until then, I bite my tongue as much as I can. But sometimes I act like a bad mommy.

Well, enough blathering! All you who've been bugging me to update my blog, got your request. The rest of you... if you've read down to here, you might as well keep reading to the end. I'm off to get a much needed haircut, then maybe a little shopping. Need some new jeans since mine keep insisting on falling off me. Could be worse, eh?

Have a great Saturday!!

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