Saturday, July 29

right place... wrong time

Accepting the unknown has always been difficult for me. Yet I find myself being taken there again and again (especially in the past 2 years). So far, I think I've done pretty well making my way through all the changes.

So, here I go again. Nothing 'official' yet, but my contract is being terminated. Could be next week... a couple weeks from now... or even a month (highly doubtful). Just another one of those being in the right place at the wrong time situations. In some ways I can understand the 'why', but it doesn't make it any easier to pick myself up and start looking for work again. And the fear of the unknown came roaring in last night. (Which is why I waited until today to try to make any sense of it.)

The sense that I've come to is this... I've proven to myself that I can still do it! I knew going in there were no guarantees. Then again, there never are guarantees in life, so that should have been a no brainer. I tried to keep the mindset of 'if my badge doesn't set off the alarm on the way in the door, and my computer boots with my login... then I'm working today'. Watching 'permanent employees' (what an oxymoron) be walked out the door (some 18 or 20 year workers) was awful. Working side by side with people who I now consider friends facing their own uncertainty has been a strain. But trying to keep a smile on my face and go about 'business as usual' knowing that my business will come to an abrupt end in a matter of days is the worst stress of all. I'll have another notch on my resume for my time spent there. I just hope someone sees that sooner than later.

I spent the night feeling sorry for myself. And today I'll spend some time picking myself up and moving on. But at least I'm not annoying!

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