wow, it's wednesday again?

Apparently I opened my mouth and inserted my foot! And other (un)employment updates.

Remember I told you I'd emailed the hiring manager from last week's interview? Well, I got a response from her yesterday, and my big mouth screwed me out of a job. In all fairness it was a trick question. But aren't they all? Here's what she had to say.

First I would like to say that you should be very proud of yourself for going as far as you did in the interview process. We had 80 applicants for this position and it was a very long process narrowing the applicants down to 10 for the interviews. You did a wonderful job in your interview also.

Our Human Resources Department gave us the questions to ask based on what our job description was and we had to score each candidates responses to the questions. There were three tiers on the scoring section. One section was regarding your preference in working independently or close working relationships. Your first response was that you enjoyed working independently and had great satisfaction in doing so. This position would require you to work as a team in a close-knit work group.

In my defense I did not state a preference for working independently. The question was posed as "Do you like working independently or in a group?" As with all the other questions asked, I started at the beginning and worked my way through. In order. I stated that I appreciated working independently on certain things and that working in a group also has its benefits. Notsomuch the answer they were looking for I guess. Damn!

Yesterday I went to our local WorkSource office for my randomly selected job search log review. Basically what that translates to is we want to see if you're really applying for work, or just sitting on your ass collecting unemployment. While I was there they put in a referral for me. What does that mean? It means I have to go online, complete yet another stupid application, then submit that and a resume to an unnamed company paying a measly bullshit hourly wage and then go and talk to them if they want to interview me. Oh, and this has to be done within 48 hours. And I have to report back to the dude I met with yesterday. I swear I feel like I'm in Kindergarten.

This afternoon I have an interview. I cold called this guy last Friday. He called Monday and we're meeting today. If anything comes of it I'll tell you the whole story of finding him. But for now, cross something, light candles, or work whatever mojo you think might get me a freakin' job. I'd really appreciate it!

Why is it nothing can ever just easily work?

C & D came over yesterday morning to help me install the new to me dishwasher I picked up a couple weeks ago. All was going smoothly -- read as, we didn't have water flooding the kitchen after detaching the pipes, and no one got electrocuted while taking the wiring apart. We lugged the old machine out to the garage, brought the new one in, and... where the hell is the water "out" connector? After digging around online, we finally found where the hose would connect. But will the hose I already have work? Of course not! The one requires some special jiggy to attach to the dishwasher, and not only do I not have the special jiggy, I don't know whether the hose I currently have will be able to attach to it because I have no idea wth the special jiggy looks like. Ugh!

C put a call in to the dishwasher's original owners. Far as I know, she hasn't heard back from them yet. D told me to check with Lowe's for parts. I did. They don't have them. So, this morning I'll be calling around town to see if anyone has what I need, assuming they even know what I need and that I've gotten the correct part numbers jotted down from the skematics online. In the meantime, dishes are once again piling up in my sink. Anyone want to come wash them for me?

No, really. Safety at school isn't a concern. Not at all.

An email started circulating yesterday, along with a lot of gossip. What was all the hubbub? Oh, nothing much. Just that there was a threat made by a 9 year old child to shoot two of his classmates. In mid-January. Um, hello!?!?! WTF? And we are just now hearing about this???

The kid was sent home that day, and was not allowed back to school the following day. That was it. No extensive suspension. No expulsion. No mention of this to anyone other than the parents of the kid who made the threat. Not even the parents of the girls who were threatened were told until one of the girls just happened to mention it. Two days later! Again. WTF?? The principal "lawyered up". The girls' parents went to the police. They boy's parents refused to let them talk to him. The board said it would be discussed at the next meeting. In February. It wasn't. And not again in March.

There's a ton of people who're hoppin' mad about this one. Pissed even. Then there's people who seem to think the school acted accordingly and dealt with the issue. I know there are always two sides to a story. But come on. How is sweeping this under the carpet and not even following through with what you say you're going to do appropriate? It's not. I was telling Groove about this last night, and suffice it to say, we agreed to disagree. He asked me what I really wanted out of this, and I paused to think. Accountability. That's what I want. Is that so wrong?

Have you ever been in this situation? What happened? How did your school handle things?

Ending on a good note!!

Only two more weeks till party time! YEE-FREAKIN-HAW!!!!

everybody's workin' for the weekend

Or in our case, workin' through the weekend.

As tired as I am, I can at least say we got off our arses and got a ton of stuff done this weekend. It's so much easier / faster when I have my little helper working along side me. Yesterday was all indoor work---house cleaning, dishes, laundry--- while today was tackling the weeds out front in preparation of planting bulbs.

The planter box on the side of the house was covered in weeds and grass despite having weed block down under the bark.

Thanks to the help of Dumpy...

and my awesome little man...

we are now weed free and the bulbs are planted.

Of course not ten minutes after we finished, we had a sleet and ice pellet storm roll through. Hope the bulbs are snug as bugs in their new little holes in the ground.

when the shit hits the fan, or the sidewalk in this case

First, I just want to say thanks to all of you (those who commented and those who contacted me privately) for your support yesterday! I am much better today though still jobless and have jumped back on the search trail applying to a whopping 7 job listings today. Yay me! I also emailed the hiring manager to see if I can get any info on why I was passed over, and my friend who knows her is contacting her as well. If I get any insight, I'll be sure to let you know.

In the meantime, let's talk shit. Really. I'm talking big shit. The size of road apples shit. Shit coming from the Rottweiler that lives two doors down from me. The same seriously mean ass dog that gets out of his yard, comes into my front yard, and has the audacity to growl at me as if I have no business being out in front of my own home.

But let's get back to the shit.

The other day I saw the freaky teenager who shares the house with the aforementioned and the Rottweiler stroll past the house on the way back to theirs. This is the same freak that used to come into my garage and steal my cigarettes until I staked out the garage one afternoon armed with my camera as he and his equally freaky friend tried their little rip off one too many times. Yeah. Nice neighbors, huh? Again I digress.

So the kid and dog pass the house. A short time later I go outside and what do I see gracing the sidewalk between my next door neighbor and I? Dog shit. By the way, this is the same neighbor that the Rottweiler broke through the fence and went into their yard terrifying the non-English speaking female of the house and making her little drop kick dog pee the floor in utter fear.

Are you seeing a pattern here?

Back to the shit. That's really what this is all about.

These things are truly the size of road apples, so there's no mistaking whose dog they came out of. And there's absolutely NO WAY if you're out walking that monster you could NOT notice him dropping them. I mean really. What gets me is this is not the first, or second, or even third time this has happened. It happens, in fact, on a regular basis. And, frankly, I'm sick of it.

What can I do? I've conjured up ideas of collecting the shit, brown baggin' it, and setting it in front of their door as I light it up for their enjoyment. I've pictured what it would be like to place the shit under their car tires so when they drive out they run over it, spreading it all over their car and driveway. But, in all honesty, I refuse to go pick up someone elses dog shit. Lord knows I've got enough of my own dog shit in the backyard that needs to be picked up.

So, what's left? What would you do in this situation?

I'm truly fed up with this shit!

anyone know any voodoo to break this damn curse hanging over me?

I called it. I hexed myself right out of a job. Damn! I was so sure this would be the one. What's got me baffled is why? I fit all the qualifications, was asked to complete an additional essay questionnaire, was called in for the interview, was backed by a friend who works for the State and knows the hiring manager, the interview went smoothly. I was told they'd hoped to have their decision made by next Wednesday and then today... BLAM!! Hit upside the head again. Not chosen.

WTF is wrong with me? Can anyone tell me??

I'm seriously in a funk over this one.

Beer is my friend. Want one? I'm willing to share.

wednesday wrap-up (version whatever number I'm on at this point)

I can't believe what I stumbled on today. A brand new blog called South Puget Sound Dining. The first blog I've found that reviews restaurants in the South Sound area. I know a lot of you don't live in this area, but you might find the reviews interesting nontheless. Or maybe it's just one of my weirdnesses that draws me to reading food and restaurant reviews. Whatever, check it out. Then you'll know the places to eat at, or avoid, when you come visit me.

Yesterday was a crazy day here in unemployment land. I actually had an interview. It's about time since the last one was in February. It was with another state agency---yep, I'm concentrating on them at this point. And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get an offer on this one. I know I probably shouldn't be writing this, and I'm probably hexing myself to unemployment hell for the next 20 years, but I'm serious. If this one doesn't come through, there's no hope for me. Why? Well, I'll tell you---1) I'm totally qualified for the job, 2) it's not on my top 3 jobs to get hired for, and 3) I have a friend who knows the hiring manger and has put in a good word for me. Therefore, I feel an offer is imminent. Again, I'm probably hexing myself.

We also started karate yesterday. Well, not me... WJ. But Sensei encouraged the parents to participate too so we can work with the kids outside of class, so I'm totally gonna take him up on it. I've wanted to try out karate for a long time now, and if I can do it for FREE I'm all over that. The class is gonna be great, and WJ loves it. I just hope some of the people drop. There are so many people signed up for this class, and a bunch who already got 'called out' by Sensei. Well, I just hope it pares down a bit so the kids can get more individualized attention. Either way, it's gonna be a good experience for the both of us!

Oh, and one last thing. Went to Safeway today and was very disappointed that I couldn't find the NASCAR harlequin romances that Sarah found. I was sure they'd be there, but notsomuch. Just your run of the mill books and mags. Ah well! I'm sure I'll find them somewhere if I really search around.

playdate at the movies

Yes. We actually went to the movies this weekend. Without the usual cajoling even. Why? Well, because WJ's friend who he wanted to have a playdate with this long weekend---no school last Friday and today---wanted to see TMNT. Not exactly on my list of recent releases to see, but I have to say it was pretty good.

Being the old fart that I am, I don't remember the original turtles much. Hell, that was 20 years ago and I was in college already. But I do remember the craze they caused with the kids. Every other kid on the block just had to be a TMNT for Halloween that year. I'm sure there'll be a similar wave a panic this year as parents knock each other over trying to get that last Leo or Raph costume because their kid just has to be one of the cool turtles or their life will simply come to an end and they'll die of embarassment.

Anyway, we met up with one of WJ's little friends and his mom, paid way too much for popcorn, and snuck our water in under his coat cuz I flat out refuse to pay $3.00 for a freakin' bottle of water. We put the boys in the two seats in front of us so they could yap and we could visit without having to talk over the top of them.

And the movie was actually entertaining. I am just amazed at the animation. It was this cross between regular cartoon animation, anime, and total reality. Seriously cool! Of course the storyline is the typical good vs. evil, so no surprises there. All in all, it was good. The kids had fun. And I didn't have to drag the boy kicking and screaming.

Did you see any movies this weekend? What's the last one you saw?

enough

My girl Stacie just got home from a trip to Florida. Her first airplane travel toting both of the little ones along. On the way there she had more than enough hands to help "pass the baby" since she was traveling with her parents and sister. But, on the way back---flying solo. And ya know what? Her kids ROCKED! Why? Because she knows what she's doing and is one helluva ROCKIN' mom!

We spend countless hours talking about our kids. Yeah, I know. Boring to some. That's just what we do. But here's the deal. Our kids are SO damn good that when they do something just a little wrong, it seems like a big freakin' deal. It's not really---in comparison to other kids---but in comparison to their normal behavior. Whoa! Oddly enough it usually means something else is coming down the pipeline. Like sickness.

Anyway, we've talked about those kids (and families) you see on Super Nanny. If you've ever watched the show, you know what I'm talkin' about. Monsters. But why? Is it really the kids fault. I don't think so, at least not for the most part. It's the parents. Kids act the way they're taught, or allowed. And if parents don't hand out the crackdown---well, WTF do you expect?

Last night I was flipping channels on the boob tube looking for something to zone out to and found 20/20. It was a special John Stossel report called Enough and had detailed reports on the high cost of sneakers, people having bunches of kids without being married, and the one thing related to my rambling thus far, noisy kids. You really should watch this video.

In case you don't bother watching it, here's the basic story. Mom takes kids to restaurant. Kids behave badly. Really badly---climing on the walls, literally. Mom ignores the behavior. Restaurant owner lets them finish their food, then asks mom to not bring the kids to his restaurant anymore. Restaurant owner later posts a sign on the front door saying something like "Patrons of all ages eating at the restaurant should bring their quiet, indoor voices when walking through the doors". And---shocker, I know---everyone's got an opinion.

The simple fact is this parent allowed her kids to run around screaming, throwing things, climbing the walls, etc. As a parent, I'm appalled. Even if I wasn't a parent I'd be pissed as hell if I were trying to enjoy my meal and there was 'playground behavior' going on around me. Ultimately the restaurant owner took major flak from some, but also got overwhelming support from others.

So, what do you think? Is it the kids fault they behave badly, or is it the parents? And which side of the fence would you choose---supporting the restaurant owner, or never eating there again?

how cool is this?

As you all know, I started mixing things up here a few weeks ago---making a few blog marketing posts in between my usual rants, raves and banter. Well, let me just tell you how excited I am about this! With just 3 posts, I've earned almost $30. No kidding.

I was totally skeptical at first and acutally held off on posting too many marketing posts until I saw 1) I was doing it correctly, 2) my posts were being approved, and 3) you, my faithful readers, weren't going to start bombing me with tomatoes and raspberries. Thank you for understanding! But now I'm ready to take on more. The best part of it all for me is I can post when I want because the opportunity is something I'd actually want to research, or post about anyway.

There's only two downsides to this---trying to improve my Google page rank so I'll have a bigger variety of opportunites offered to me, and not jumping on an opportunity quickly enough. If you want to help me in my quest, and use Technorati, please add my site to your list. As for grabbing up the good one's before they pass me by. Well, I'm on my own for that one. I won't miss too many more good ones like the two I missed tonight already because I was off doing other things. Things where I'm not making that $30 that's coming my way!!

Tagged by Marni

So, I've been tagged by Marni on a songs meme. I can't pass up the music ones, so here's the deal. I'm going to list the seven songs I'm into right now then tag seven other people and see what they've got to say for themselves.

And my top seven for today are...

1. Tomorrow - Avril Lavigne
2. Streetcorner Symphony - Rob Thomas
3. The Reason - Hoobastank
4. Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall
5. Waiting on the World to Change - John Mayer
6. All the Same - Sick Puppies
7. It Don't Matter to the Sun - Rosie Thomas

Of course my list changes almost daily, but there ya have it for today!

Now I'm tagging:

1. Stacie
2. Chag
3. Sizzle
4. Sarah
5. Jay
6. Tony
7. Elizabeth

into every life a little rain must fall. but sometimes there's a rainbow at the end.

Don't worry. I'm not going to launch into singing The Rainbow Connection, Singing in the Rain, or Somewhere Over the Rainbow. And, really, this post has nothing to do with rain whatsoever. But since I brought it up, can I just say I'm really done. Done. As in truly ready for the sun to shine. All day. Every day.

Anyway, I digress. Do you remember I mentioned something about my dishwasher having issues? So, for awhile there I was putting a pie tin under the area the water was leaking off of, and it worked fine. When the technician came to fix my dryer last week, I asked about the dishwasher and he told me "buy a new one" because the cost of fixing the old one would be more. I figured I'd just run the old one until it died. Until Saturday. The leak, obviously getting worse, wasn't contained by the pie tin anymore and water flooded out all over my kitchen floor. Once again I was on the hunt for another appliance I can't afford to buy.

As if this wasn't bad enough I'd just come from having my oil changed to be told that my transmission fluid and power steering fluid were both showing extreme discoloration and burning. WTF? My car only has 37,800 miles on it and was in for the required 30,000 mile check to keep with the warranty. During that check, both of these fluids were supposed to be inspected and/or replaced. Well apparently my Ford dealer DIDN'T do that cuz there's no way in hell it could look as nasty as it does now in only 7,800 miles. So guess where I get to go tomorrow? The stupid Ford dealer. I'm gonna give them the big ass WTF in person and they'd better not give me any bull back or I might have to pull out the can of whoop ass.

Enter my rainbow connection. Not on the car. For the dishwasher. I was telling my friend C about my appliance disasters when she said, "Oh no! It's too bad I didn't know before. N & T (other friends of ours) just redid their kitchen and got all new appliances. But I'm sure their old ones are gone by now." We talked about other options and I told her I was planning on heading out later in the afternoon to hit the major four in our area--Costco, Best Buy, Home Depot and Lowes--after I finished my house cleaning. Before I even had the chance to finish, or leave the house, she called back.

C: "Stop shopping. I've got your dishwasher problem solved."
Me: "I haven't even left yet. What?"
C: "I just got off the phone with N and they still have their old dishwasher. You can have it for free!"
Me: Beaming from ear to ear "OMG!! Are you serious?"
C: "Yes!"
Me: "OMG!!! OMG!! OMG!!!"
C: "I'll help you pick it up since I have the truck, so the only thing you'll have to worry about is the installation."
Me: Still beaming "OMG!! You rock!!!"
C: "So come for poker tonight and arrange everything with N."
Me: "Of course. OMG! You can't see me but my cheeks are hurting cuz I can't stop smiling."
C: "I know. I hear it in your voice."

The crazy thing is C and I lost touch for awhile there for reasons that are irrelevant to this story. But I truly believe there are no coincidences in life. And this is one of those moments that confirms it for me. Oh! And in case this wasn't enough. Our other friend D has offered to install it for me. When he told me last night he said, "Why pay someone to do something friends can do for you for free."

pay now, or pay for it later... it's up to you

There are a couple of items that, frankly, I don’t know if I could live without. The first being my computer obviously, and the second my phone. My cell phone is a great convenience, but could I live with out it? Sure. Do I want to? No.

The subject of kids and cell phones has come up several times in conversation with various people over the past few months. My neighbor’s teen son (age 13) was given a cell phone for Christmas and added to his family’s shared minutes plan. If there’s any kid out there that I believe would be deserving of and responsible enough to have a cell phone, it would be him. But still, I can’t help but wonder why a 13 year old needs a cell phone in the first place.

Another neighbor was saying her boys wanted cell phones because “all their friends have them”. Yeah – not a good enough reason. She goes as far as telling them to stop using their friend’s cell phones to call her, and to not call her cell phone unless it’s an emergency since her number is a different area code and there are charges from any phone to call it.

So, we started talking about prepaid phones. You know – the one’s that have no contracts, no hidden fees. And you can keep tabs on how many minutes you’re actually on the phone. If (and that’s a big IF in my book) a kid should have a cell phone, this would definitely be the route I’d go. You can put as little as $10 at a time on some plans, which is something kids themselves could actually afford to do if they saved up their allowance. Of course, the more you preload, the cheaper the per minute rate, but there are still a lot of options.

There’s no reason for my kid to have a cell phone, prepaid or not. But if you’re trying to decide whether to get your kid a phone, and whether they’re responsible enough to not use all your shared minutes in the first week of the month, take a look at the prepaid phone option. It might be just what you’re looking for.

wesleyisms on pain

A couple of days ago:

WJ: "My heart hurts."
Me: "What do you mean 'your heart hurts'?"
WJ: "It just hurts."
Me: "Well, you've got to be more specific than that. Is it beating fast? Does it feel like someone's pinching it?"
WJ: "Uh huh!"
Me: "Which one?"
WJ: "Both."
Me: {sighing} "Show me where it hurts."
WJ: "Right here" beating on the center of his chest.
Me: "That's not your heart. That's your chest."
WJ: "Oh. Okay, nevermind then."

--------------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday, while shooting hoops:

WJ: "Ouch! My leg hurts."
Me: "Why?"
WJ: "I've been running all day for an hour."

Uh... alrighty then!

one appliance at a time

I called around town last week looking for someone to come and look at my dryer. No one I knew had any recommendations for appliance repair people, so I just pulled out the phonebook and went down the list. At all but one place I talked to the 'desk jockey'. You know what I mean. The one who answers the phone, has no understanding of the industry they're in, and simply schedules an appointment while telling you how much you'll owe just for having a technician come and take a look.

The one exception was Brian (who will forever in this house be known as 'the dryer guy formerly known as John'). Just another routine call to find out how much to have someone look turned into a "What's the dryer doing?' conversation. At first I was a little frustrated figuring I was going to tell someone who didn't really need to know what was going on just so they could forget to give the notes to the technician who would then arrive blindly and without parts to fix my dryer. As it turns out, Brian was the technician. He told me what he thought the problem was, quoted a price, and put the 'desk jockey' on the phone to schedule the appointment.

Fast forward to yesterday. Brian was scheduled to arrive between 1pm and 5pm. Don't you just love those four hour windows of time where you're held like a hostage in your own home? At 12:45pm Brian arrived. And 20 minutes later, with the exact part he said was the problem replaced and the dryer humming nicely, he was gone. Oh, and he told me what to do about my dishwasher too - "Buy a new one... or at least that's what I'd do," he said. Talk about great customer service!

So, last week I got a new computer. And this week my dryer's fixed. One appliance at a time I'm getting back to 'normal'.

a little fun

Marni over at It's a Pug's Life posted this fun little diddy and I couldn't help running one for myself. Mine is quite similar to hers. If you do one, let me know. I'd love to check it out.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

just in case you're wondering

You might have asked yourself "What's up?" when reading a couple of new posts here in the past couple of days. Or maybe you just think I've gone off the deep end and am posting disclaimers for kicks. Whatever the case, here's the deal.

Last week Elizabeth over at Table for Five posted about how she found this site where she could make a few bucks just for blogging about stuff she might normally post about anyway. Since making money is on the top of my list of "must dos" I had to check it out.

PayPerPost works with bloggers (like me) by letting affiliates post "opportunities" to talk about their sites. There's so many opps out there, and the more I write and attract attention for the affiliates, the more opps I'll have to choose from. Some day (if I get enough traffic) I could even make $1,000 for a single sponsor post. Now wouldn't that be something? For now, every little bit counts.

Anyway, since Blogspot doesn't have tabs, I've added my disclaimer on my sidebar. As it states, this isn't going to influence my posts. I'll still be giving you my witty, sassy, and sometimes bitchy spin on things, but some of them I might actually get paid for. If this idea repulses you, I'm sorry. Feel free to skip over those posts. But I hope you don't. I hope you keep coming back, and tell your friends to come on by too. Cuz there's truly nothing better than getting paid for what you love to do - in this case ranting, raving and shouting out!

how'd they get here from there? part 2

They're at it again. Finding their way to my quiet little corner of the world in the strangest ways.

Funny side story. I actually Googled some of last week's list just to see how in the world I was showing up, and I'll be... there was my little blog. Found lots of other crazy stuff along the way, but that's a subject for a different post.

Anyway, without further ado, here's this week's additions to how'd they get here from there?

creepy crud
It seems everyone I know is getting it. Blech!

"tea of tranquility"
Yum!

key broke in door
Life's a bitch, ain't it?

paper hoarding
You might want to think about joining a support group for that.

lord panties
hehe...

"exit 111" i-5 accident
I swear, occifer... it wasn't my fault.

drug paraphenalia baking powder
Do people really fall for that?

girls wearing panties & bras
Better than boys wearing 'em.

stoopidity
Ya can't teach it.

doing my duty of disclosure

This policy is valid from 08 March 2007

This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me.

This blog accepts forms of cash advertising, sponsorship, paid insertions or other forms of compensation.

The compensation received will never influence the content, topics or posts made in this blog. All advertising is in the form of advertisements generated by a third party ad network. Those advertisements will be identified as paid advertisements.

The owner(s) of this blog is compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. Even though the owner(s) of this blog receives compensation for our posts or advertisements, we always give our honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics or products. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the bloggers' own. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider or party in question.

This blog does not contain any content which might present a conflict of interest.

To get your own policy, go to http://www.disclosurepolicy.org

i'm all for saving a buck or two

What's better than shopping? Saving money while you get the stuff you need, of course. And everyone who knows me knows I'm always looking for a way to save a few bucks. Do you know you can find coupons online? Coupons for really great places like Target, Best Buy, even PETsMART. I'm in money saving heaven with this find!!

Holy crow!! You can search by category or store, or check the home page where they highlight featured coupon codes and add new coupons daily. For those of you I know who do a lot of shopping on-line (and you know who you are) you've gotta check this out.

It's a steal of a deal!!

woohoo!!! i have a computer that works

OMG! Can I tell you how happy I am to have a computer that works. A quiet computer that works, even. No longer will you have to listen to me bitch and moan about it shutting down, freezing, or otherwise being a total PITA.

Hmm... guess I'll have to find something else to bitch and whine about now!

Okay, back to finishing my customizing and setting up.

Thanks Groove!!!!

another silly meme

Stolen from Stacie who stole it from Freak Magnet’s blog.

YOUR REAL NAME: Lisa

YOUR GANGSTA NAME (1st 4 letters plus izzle): Lisaizzle

YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (fave color + fave animal): Black Tiger

YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name + childhood street): Ann Edmonds

YOUR STAR WARS NAME (last 3 letters of your last name + first 2 letters of your first name + first 3 letters of Mom’s maiden name): Ipplibir (WTH???)

YOUR SUPER HERO NAME (2nd fave color + fave drink): Red Coffee

YOUR IRAQI NAME (2nd letter of your first name + 3rd letter of your last name + any letter of your middle name + 2nd letter of your Mom’s maiden name + 3rd letter of your Dad’s middle name + 1st letter of a sibling’s first name + last letter of your Mom’s middle name): Ipniina (oh good lord! or should I say good allah!!)

YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM NAME (Grandma/Grandpa’s first name + Jones): Myrtle Jones

YOUR GOTH NAME (Black + name of one of your pets): Black Jake

YOUR AMERICAN IDOL NAME (fav car and sea food) Xterra Shrimp

NAME OF YOUR DREAM BAND (name of computer + printer): Kookoo E. Stylus

MOVIE STAR NAME (sibling’s middle name + mother-in-law’s maiden name): Non Henry (non for don't have any siblings and using EX-mil's maiden name)

YOUR ALTER EGO NAME (name of one your childhood pets + popular brand of clothes when you were young): Cricket Izod

YOUR LAWYER NAME (fav actor’s last name + fav hard liquor): McConaughey Whiskey

YOUR HIP HOP NAME (fav candy + fruit): Chocolate Apple

pop... drip... click... THUNK!

Have I mentioned I don't have a job, and therefore don't have an income? Ok, maybe once or twice. Right?

But have I mentioned that every couple of weeks or so something around the house decides to take a major dump?? Yes, Groove... I know I said I wouldn't bitch about my shit breaking down anymore, but keep reading and you might have some sympathy. I swear I'm starting to think I'm living in a money pit.

Here's the short list that's apparently trying to grow longer and longer till it swallows me up of things that are a) broken and in need of repair, b) broke and have been repaired, or c) are just fucking with me to see how long my sanity will stay in tact.

1. Fireplace. Been broken since we moved in. I think it's a gas problem. Stupid repair dood says it's electrical. Whatever. Haven't spent the time or money to have it fixed in the five and a half years I've lived here yet, and not gonna do it anytime soon now.
2. Over the range microwave. Yeah, it crapped out a few years ago. Lights work. Fan works. Clock and timer work too. Just don't try to cook anything or the yummy electrical smoke will come pouring out choking the last breath you have in you. Thankfully I had a spare countertop model laying around so I can still cook.
3. Kitchen faucet. Brand new one working like a charm. The old one - broken in bits.
4. Garage door. This was a biggie. The spring snapped and tried to rip the door right down the center. Do I need to use the garage door? No, not really. But after a month of going in and out the front door exclusively I broke down and had it repaired. At least I didn't have to buy a new one.
5. Front door lock. A key broke off and got stuck. After complete removal, disassembly, cleaning, and reassembly of the lock, I'm back in business.
6. Roof leak. Yeah, it came back again this year. Short of completely redoing the flashing, and sealing up the stupid air vent that's supposed to let the walls breathe (wtf?) I sealed that baby up with Great Stuff which either turned out to be notsogreat or I just didn't get it in the right place since the leak was still leaking on the really windy, rainy days.
7. Dishwasher. Finding a puddle creeping across the kitchen floor is usually a good sign there's something wrong. Ugh! After 2 weeks of washing ALL dishes by hand (no, no, no!!) a disposable pie tin now collects the 'drips' during the wash cycle.
8. Laundry room doorknob. Ok, this one's been slowly breaking down for awhile now, but when you cut the doorknob hole in the door too big, and the knob slides right to left, what the hell do you suspect is going to happen?

Note: Items 3-8 have happened in the past 6 1/2 months!

And if all of these aren't enough to push me over the edge, yesterday was certainly the icing on the cake. While the last load of laundry tumbled around in the dryer, I sat down for the first time in 6 hours. Listening to the whir of the machine made my eyes a little heavy, so I closed them for just a couple of minutes when all of a sudden...

THUNK... THUNK... THUNK... THUNK...

The loudest and most obnoxious thunking sound similar to that of a washing machine getting off balance but a hundred times louder and faster came roaring from the laundry room. I jumped up and ran faster than I knew I could move hoping the damn thing wasn't going to explode and burn down the house before I got there to turn it off. WTF??? Good gawd! I seriously do NOT need another broken appliance in this house!!!

After removing the mostly dried clothing I just walked away. I couldn't bear to even think about what might be wrong with it, or how to fix it, or how much freakin' money it would cost to buy a new one. Ugh!!

A few hours later, after the machine had cooled and I was pretty sure it wasn't going to explode on me if I tried turning it on, I put the dial on 'less dry' and pushed the start button praying I wasn't stepping on a landmine. It came to life with its usual whir, no thunk, thunk, thunk. What the hell does that mean? I'm afraid to even try it with clothes in there. Thankfully my laundry's done. For now.

At least it's not my furnace. That would be BAD!

how'd they get here from there??

There are some very strange people out there, and they obviously have nothing better to do than search for some very strange things. How they got to my blog with their strange searches is beyond me, but funny just the same. Let's take a look at the last week.

“i really hate school” blog
Yeah, I do. But my kid loves it!

calling out sick for an interview
Maybe wait until you get the job then call out sick for work.

panties seen over jeans
Only if they're two sizes too big.

best banana muffins ever
Aww... thanks!

“jessica b” liss
Uh... which one of them were you looking for? They have their own blogs, ya know!?

thong sticking out pants
Not my style.

shawn cassidy music
Please don't tell me he's still performing!

search for hot girls wearing thongs with jeans
Would a picture of a VS model in my favorite bra be a suitable substitute?

when teacher bend thongs
Is this a new teaching technique?

kt tunstall thong
Someone is obviously really enthralled with thongs.

becoming aware video kotex
Usually the mere sight of blood is enough to make me aware.

tawny kitaen fight with david coverdale
It was only so they could have make-up sex.

can u start a sentence with but
But certainly!

people who refuse to get a job
Let's talk about the people who refuse to give ME a job!

huheygroove
Again... he's got his own blog.

wrong place wrong time oxymoron
Not really. It happens to me all the time.

eieio
Can I buy an A?

shes so unsocial
See. I knew some of you thought I was!

wednesday wrap-up

How is it Wednesday already? But, more important, how is it NOT Friday yet? Life seems to be on fast-forward this week. I'm sure it's mostly due to me making the commitment to some major life changes this past weekend.

One thing I decided needed more attention from me is WJ. So last weekend was spent for the most part doing stuff with him. On Saturday we went out to lunch, then hit the two major bookstores where we both had gift cards from Christmas. Stace had told me about this kid's cookbook put out by Rachael Ray she'd picked up for Michael earlier in the week, so we started our hunt with that. It's really cool, and has a bunch of great recipes broken out into age groups for the kids to pretty much do most of the food prep and/or cooking. Our first recipe, made on Sunday, was Ria's Double-Chips Cookies with Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chips. In the words of Rachael... yummo! And the best part is there's no eggs in these so we baked up the first half and threw the rest of the dough in the fridge to bake up later this week. As you can see, WJ had a blast. We also picked up an assortment of other books for the both of us and spent quite a bit of time reading throughout the weekend.

And my reading is what brought me to my other commitment to changes. I picked up Bob Greene's Get With the Program. How could I pass it up when it was only $3.99 in the reduced section? Seriously, the main reason I got it was for the section on "emotional eating". I've always known I was an emotional eater, but wasn't really ready to admit it. Well, now I am. You can read about my attempts at getting my ass in gear over at my new blog, Girl Redefined.

So what else did I want to tell you? Hmm. Oh yeah, there's 49 days till party time!!! Woot!! I'm not really excited about it, or anything. Hehe!

Oh yeah. An update on my last post. So, I took Stacie's advise and we made a chore chart last night. Printed it up, hung it on the fridge, and agreed on a price. You'll love this conversation.

"So, looking at all the chores for the week, how much do you think they're all worth?"

"A hundred bucks!?" he said with a grin a mile wide.

I laughed out loud and said, "Uh, notsomuch! Seriously, how much do you think it's worth?"

After a few rounds of "Maybe $95" etc. I finally said, "Well, let me tell you what I would have gotten for all this. About $2.50." I think he was pretty shocked. So then I suggested $6.00 a week - one dollar for year he is old.

"How about $6.50 since I'm really 6 1/2!"

Have I mentioned my kid's gonna be a politician?

when do you know it's time to start with an allowance?

I really am lucky cuz WJ has always been a good helper. Only problem is I feel like I have to ask, or demand depending on the situation, most of the time - and it's getting really, really old. I think the problem is there isn't any motivation for him to do things without being told.

Since he goes to a Catholic school, they are learning about Lent. Last week a homework assignment came home from the religion teacher. They were to come up with an activity that they could do, on their own, without having to be told to do so. This is so different from when I was growing up and we had to give something up for the Lenten season, but whatever works. Problem is, it's not working. WJ chose to feed the dog morning and night without me having to remind him. So far, this morning is the only time he's done it without coaxing.

This all got me to thinking about an allowance. I can't remember how old I was when I first started getting an allowance for doing chores, but I'm thinking it might give him some motivation to get things done around here. And I could certainly use the help!

How old were you when you started getting an allowance? Or started giving your kids an allowance? And how much are chores worth these days? I'm sure the price is staggeringly higher than when I was a kid... in the dark ages.

this time i'm prepared

My computer is old. Very old! And despite months and months of changes, fixes, work arounds, new hardware, new software, etc. I'm pretty sure it's on its last leg.

But this time I'm prepared. The other day I ran out and bought myself a 60GB external hard drive. The original intent was to move the massive amount of music and .jpg files over to clear some space on my internal drive hoping that would help alleviate some of the problem. Got those all moved, ran some more scans, and updated some drivers. All yesterday it worked like a dream. Then this morning, it froze. Again. Shit!

So, now I've gone through every single important file and moved them ALL to the external drive. The desktop I had before this one crashed and died and was completely unrecoverable. The laptop I had before this one crashed and died, but I was able to recover some of the files. I refuse to lose my files again. And I'm hoping that by moving them all over I've bought myself some time before this damned machine calls it quits. Kinda like buying insurance. Cuz you know what? I don't have the money to spend on a new system right now. Especially a fancy new one with all the bells and whistles, not the crap that I'm running right now.

What are you running? I'm always looking at the latest and greatest even though I know I won't do anything about buying one until this one dies (that's just the way I am). But I'd be interested in hearing what you have and why you like it (or don't)? Because I want to have all my homework done when the time comes to make the switch.

maybe it's just me

We live in your typical middle-income subdivision located in your typical mid-sized town. The houses are on decent sized lots - not large, sprawling acres, but not one of those postage sized lots where you feel like you can literally reach out your window and shake the neighbor's hand as he reaches out his. Most of the houses on our street are occupied by the "home owner", with a few renters thrown into the mix. Basically, a middle-America neighborhood.

After five years of living here, and several neighbors selling and/or moving, I've fought through a divorce, trying to find work, losing my job, and now trying to find work again to keep this house. I like my house, but that's not it. I like my neighbors even more. And to think of having to move to another place, starting over, not really knowing what to expect from the neighborhood or the neighbors is not appealing in the slighest.

There are two families I would consider friends. People I talk to on a regular basis. People I invite over, get together with during the holidays, and get invited to BBQ's and dinners at their house. And then there's the few that I chat with in passing but still know to a certain degree. All in all, it's a comfortable place to live.

Due to the climate where we live (read as rainy, rainy, rainy) there is little chance for seeing or socializing with the neighbors during the winter months as there is during the spring and summer when we're all outside taking care of our yards, washing cars, playing with the kids, etc. Except for maybe snow days when everyone seems to come out to marvel at (or bitch about) the white stuff.

So why am I spending all this time telling you about my neighborhood? I'll tell you. But first I have to give you a little more background on a couple of the neighbors.

At the beginning of last summer, one of our rental properties got new tenents. For purposes of identifying the different families we'll call them Family A, my next door neighbors will be Family B, and the second set of tenents to move in later in the summer will be Family C. So, B likes to entertain - especially during the summer months. Lots of BBQs, beer, food, beer, poker, and beer. She also makes this very wicked peach punch. And I do mean wicked! Anyway, shortly after A moved into the neighborhood, B was having the 'regular crowd' over for the usual party and decided to invite A. Family A is quite a bit younger (as in fifteen or twenty years younger) than the rest of the 'regulars' and wife of Family A took quite a fancy to the peach punch. So much, in fact, that she virtually drank the entire punch bowl full except for maybe a few small sips from unsuspecting others who'd never tried it before. Needless to say, A has not been invited back to anymore parties.

Then, towards the end of the summer along came Family C. Family C and Family A hit it off immediately despite the age difference and hang out together frequently and have their own parties that none of the 'regulars' are invited to. Not that we care really. Or cared. Until yesterday.

Wife of Family C works at one of the local drug stores, so I see her there more often than in the neighborhood. Yesterday, just as I was finishing up checking out she came back in off break. We started chatting and she asked if I'd met the "new" neighbors (these are the ones that moved in across the street after the ones who were having "random" attempted break-ins moved out). I told her I hadn't and she said, "Well, that's because you're so unsocial." HUH?? Then she laughed and said she hadn't either but wife of Family A had. We continued shooting the shit for a little while longer, then I left. But I can't help but think about what she said. Am I really unsocial?

Like I said, I have a few select neighbors that I get together with. Then there's the friends I chat with online and on the phone because they live in different states than I do. And I do have a small group of local friends that I not only hang out with online and on the phone, but also IRL. Granted I don't have a huge group of friends that I do things with on a regular basis IRL, but does that really make me unsocial? If because I don't want to hang out with a bunch of twenty-somethings whose husbands are in the military makes me unsocial, then I guess I am.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think I'm unsocial. Do you?

happy birthday, and that's about it

Today is someone's birthday. Of course it's really many someone's birthdays, but I'm talking about my friend, Groove. And since he'll give me shit for even posting this, I might as well go the whole way and make it worth it. So, I've got two things - a little request and a little ode to my friend.

You, my readers, lurkers or regular commenter's alike, are requested to leave your birthday wishes for Groove on this post. The more the merrier!

I will leave my birthday message in the form of an ode.

Ode to My Friend Groove

Your name is Groove
and you often act rude,
except for the times
you feel the need to be lewd.

You're evil and silly,
and smart as a whip,
but one thing's for certain,
you don't take any shit.

The tough act you flaunt
makes everyone stare,
so I won't let them know
you're a big teddy bear.

You've given me guidance,
support, and laughing fits,
and rained piss on my "party"
when I'm down in the pits.

So, today, on your birthday
I just wanted to say,
you're a friend to the end.
Now go have fun... and get laid.

Happy Birthday Groove!!

bras, panties, and other assorted feminine things

I am in love!

Yes, you heard me. In love!!

No, not with the girl pictured to the right, though she is stunning. I'm in love with the bra she's wearing. It's one from Vicky's Angels by VS Secret Embrace line. I got two - Poinsettia Red and Black. Okay, mine don't have the cutesy little butterflies on them, just a soft floral applique on the one side, nor do I look as hot and sexy as she does wearing them, but seriously, these are the MOST comfortable bras I've ever owned. And you want to know the best part? Saving $25. That's right - $25 off and a pair of free panties. How can you go wrong with that?

Speaking of panties, good Lord. Could there be any more options out there to choose from? I mean really. Bikinis. Boyshorts. Hiphuggers. Briefs. And my personal favorite - Thongs. Watch this then read on. And don't keep reading figuring you don't need to watch the video, or will watch it later. Look at it now or my story won't be nearly as funny. Even if you've seen it before because I'm sure it's been floating around the internet for awhile now, watch it again.

Okay, see ya in a minute.


Kotex Classic - video powered by Metacafe

Did you watch the video? Don't lie to me. I hate liars. Okay, well then let me tell you a funny story now that you've seen it.

So, I got this video sent to me in email earlier this week from my friend Terri. I then sent it on to a few more friends, including Stacie, who incidently will be here in 59 days. Well Stacie and I, doing what we do best, started talking about the video and laughing our asses off.

I said, "You know what kills me about that video? The clips where the girls are wearing low rise pants and the straps are sticking out the top - like how some girls wear their thongs today." She laughed and said, "I know. It's freakin' hysterical!"

As I said above, my personal favorite style of panties are thongs. Well this video, and my comment, got me going on a complete tangent about thong panties hanging out the back of low-rise pants. I mean really! Is it so hard to adjust your panties so they aren't hanging out? It reminds me of when the guys started wearing their pants ten sizes too big so they were practically hanging off the bottom of their butt cheeks while their boxers poured out over the top of the waist band that was strategically tied with a rope or something just so they wouldn't end up at their ankles. Talk about a poor fashion statement.

So now, here are these girls watching the tacky, bimbos like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan sporting their thong panties pulled fully up their butt cracks so they can be seen hanging out of the back of their ultra low-rise pants. Yes, I'm aware that sometimes when sitting or bending the pants will shift and a bit of the thong panty sticks out over the top, but when you're in an upright position and you see more panty than you should see showing like some sort of tasteless fashion statement, ugh. Really. It's ridiculous.

Of course there is one thing worse than showing off your thong panties. That would be sporting no panties at all. Why, oh why, would girls want to go au naturale under their jeans? Good Lord. I don't know about you, but I wear my jeans to fit. No, they're not painted on, but they fit around all the curves and places they're supposed to. And where do you think the biggest seam in a pair of jeans is? And not only one, but two seams joining together?? Right in the kootch. That's right. Right were if you walk, or sit, or bend the right direction and keep subtly moving around you're likely to find it a pleasurable sensation and then... oooh... aaahh. Um, yeah. All over your jeans. Not. So. Much. If want to walk around pleasuring yourself might I suggest this. It works much better for whenever you want to "make it happy".

But please. Wear some damn panties.

and, what if?

I know all of you with kids have had this happen to you - the fixation on a certain subject, or specific terminology. Lately around here it's been 'what if?'. I don't know when it started, maybe a week or two ago, but it's driving me nuts. And it can be about any subject. Oh, yeah, there's also 'and'. I'll talk about that one later on down this post. For example, I've heard the following 'what if's?' just in the past few days.

What if you hit that guy in front of you and he ran off the road and bounced off that tree and then came back around behind you? (heard while driving to school in the morning)

What if you walk in and they say 'blah blah, okay bye'? (heard when trying to answer the question of how long my interview was going to last)

What if they let us collect onehundredgazillionbillion seeds to feed the birds? (heard while playing one of the games on his Leapster)

What if I were a giant and my teacher was in outerspace and I came over and picked up the world and ate it... the whole world? (heard on the drive home from dinner the other night)

And these are just the recent 'what if's?'. There's that 'and' again. Seriously, I could fill a notebook with all the 'what if's?' I've heard in the past few weeks. When this first started, I actually tried to answer the questions. Now I'm at the point of asking 'WTF?'. So that's what I told him. Well, not really. What I said was, "The next time, and every time after, you ask me 'what if whatever' I am going to answer you with 'what if?'". I'm sure you can imagine where that's gotten me. {sigh} I can only hope this phase will pass soon. I don't care 'what if?'.

So the 'and' thing. Apparently they've learned at school that it's not correct to start a sentence using the word 'and'. I'm guilty of doing this here on my blog more than I care to admit. Whatever. It's my blog and I'll write it any way I feel like even if it isn't grammatically correct. Sometimes I really hate school. But my writing isn't the point. And yes, I know starting a sentence with 'but' isnt grammatically correct either. Sue me. The point is he was reading to me and whatever book it was started a sentence with 'and'. "You're not supposed to use 'and' to start a sentence," I was told. "Yes, I know" I responded. "Then why are they doing it?" he asked. Which could have started a whole discussion on why writers take liberties in their writing, and how even though there are rules of grammer sometimes they aren't followed, leading to sometimes rules in general aren't followed and it's not always neccessarily bad to not follow all the rules all of the time. Well, you get the point. Instead, my response was "I don't know. Why don't you ask your teacher?" Hehe.

On that note, since I know you've been missing me posting the Joke of the Day, I leave you with this.

Pearl: Rachel is a terrific housekeeper.
Shirl: Why do you say that?
Pearl: Because she's been divorced three times and has kept all three houses.

my challenge

I was told by someone who reads my blathering on a regular basis - no names mentioned that my frivilous daily drivel doesn't amount to much compared to their infrequent novelettes. So I took mental note of that and took it as a challenge to write something more substantial, if you can call random ranting substantial.

WTF is up with people who tell you they're down on their luck and just need a couple of bucks to get by and, oh, by the way, are a little short on cash to pay the sales tax that since they're from Oregon where there is no sales tax and they didn't count on paying more on the new tire they unexpectedly had to put on their car in order to get back home? Sister, can you spare about $3.00? Yeah! That should do it. Notsomuch. What happened to the good old dime? Not the point.

The point is I certainly don't mind helping people who really need the help. This is usually reserved for people I know because, afterall, how the hell would you know if they really need the help if you don't know a damn thing about them? Of course some people, no matter how hard you try to help them, just won't help themselves, so you might as well not help them anyway because then you're just enabling. But that's not the point either, and definitely a subject for a different day.

The real point is just after getting out of the car in the Target parking lot this afternoon, WJ and I were approached by a dude asking for $3.00, or anything I could spare. He gave me the song and dance I just wrote about above. The first thing that went through my mind was 'strange dude approaching and it's just me and my son, he'd better not try anything'. Once I got over that initial 2.5 seconds of thought and really heard what he was asking I stood there for another 2.5 seconds just staring at him. As you well know, I've been out of work for nearly 6 months now. Never ONCE did I think about asking people for handouts. Shit! I wouldn't even take money from friends who offered it to me with NO strings attached. I've cut back on frivilous spending. Borrowed from myself. And, if it came right down to it and I absolutely needed the money and didn't have it, I would have taken ANY work I could get instead of holding out for something that will let me live my life comfortably and withing the lifestyle I've become accustomed.

Why do some people think it's okay to just walk around or stand on a streetcorner or freeway offramp asking for money? IT'S NOT OKAY! Let me repeat that. IT'S NOT FREAKIN' OKAY!!! Get a job. Any job. There's a shitload of them out there. I know cuz I've seen them. I'm just being a bit particular in my search. But if I really needed to work and bring more money home than what I've been collecting in unemployment and child support I would have been working within the first week of being cut by corporate computer giant. To expect others, hardworking or unemployed like myself, to just hand out money to help you because you got in a jam if you really did and aren't just bullshitting us while you run home and sit in front of your big screen plasma TV sipping on whatever drink is the fancy of the day is ludicrous. And rude. And not a game I want to play with you. Not today. Not ever.

Is this more substantial than the usual drivel?

sick watch, name calling, and just for laughs

Third day on sick watch here. {sigh} Every time I think WJ's fever is breaking/gone, it rears it's ugly head again. So being that it's Friday and he's already missed two days of school this week, I'm keeping him home again. I need him well by Monday so I don't have to scramble around looking for childcare to go to my interview.

I got a big laugh this morning while blog surfing my usual haunts. I came upon Elizabeth's blog last week via another one. She was celebrating her 40th birthday and being a very soon to be there compadre, I left her birthday greetings and have been back to read almost every day. This morning I read her post from yesterday and it was so funny I had to steal it and post here. It's another meme, but I won't call out anyone in particular to tag. But if you do this on your blog, post here and let me know!

Name Calling

L: Everyone loves you.
I : You are GREAT in bed.
S : Fuckin crazy.
A : You like to drink.
I don't know what to say!?! LOL

A : You like to drink.
B : You like people.
C : You are really silly.
D : You like to drink.
E: You are easy to fall in love with.
F : You are dead sexy.
G : You never let people tell you what to do.
H : You have very good personality and good looks.
I : You are GREAT in bed.
J : People adore you
K : You’re wild and crazy.
L: Everyone loves you.
M : Best kisser ever.
N: You like to drink.
O: Awesome kisser.
P : You are popular with all types of people.
Q : You are a hypocrite.
R : Easy to fall in love with.
S : Fuckin crazy.
T : You’re loyal to those you love.
U : You really like to chill.
V : You are not judgemental.
W : You are very broad minded.
X : You never let people tell you what to do.
Y: Best bf/gf anyone could ask for.
Z : You are Always ready

And finally, the Joke of the Day...

One afternoon, Signore Piani was startled to see a panda walk into his exclusive Italian restaurant. He sat the panda down at his finest table and had his best waiter serve him an exquisite meal. As soon as the panda finished his last bite, he stood up, pulled out a BB gun, and shot out all the lightbulbs. Then he started for the door. Both the waiter and the owner shouted after him, "How could you do such a thing and walk away?" The panda said, "What do you expect? Just look me up in the dictionary." Signore Piani and the waiter quickly ran to the dictionary and looked up panda. Then they understood. "Panda," it read, "an animal that eats shoots and leaves."

TGIF!

it's either all or nothing

Holy crow!!

I have not one, but TWO interviews scheduled for next week!!! Both called sometime between leaving the house at 12:45pm and walking in the door with a shitload of grocery bags. I almost broke my neck tripping over the dog to answer the phone.

Monday morning is with another state agency and Tuesday morning is a non-profit association. I think I'd be happy with either so I just hope this isn't one of those we already know who we're hiring but need to interview our obligatory number of people anyway sort of deals. Besides that, I just really want to move out of the UI payscale and into the JOB payscale. Hehe!!

Anyway, if you could send some good vibes my way, I'd really appreciate it! I'll be a nervous wreck come Sunday. So maybe sending some calm vibes would be good too.

sixty-nine baby!!!

Hehe! That would be sixty-nine days until Stacie arrives!! What were you thinking I was talking about? Get your mind out of the gutter. Sheesh!

Other notable events for today include my friend since we were 5 years old, Denise's 40th birthday. Haha! You're 40 before me!! Happy Birthday girl! And my parents' 44th wedding anniversary. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! Damn! Can you imagine being married to the same person for that long? I don't know how they've done it but I'm amazed. And it's also Ms. Sizzle's two year anniversary of her first blog. See, got my party hat on for ya girl!!

Somewhat non-notable events for the day include WJ still being sick. Me still looking for a job. Oh, and Survivor Fiji starting tonight! I should have set up a Survivor pool. Damn, I always think about these things too late.

And now your Joke of the Day...

Saul: Do you believe that television causes violence?
Paul: Sure - my kids are always fighting over which shows to watch.

the uninvited guest

I have a sick kid. Ugh!

How is it when our kids get sick, we as parents are rendered seemingly helpless? Maybe I'm the only one who feels like this. I just hate watching my normally active child lay listless and lethargic while the creepy crud takes over his little body.

And there's this whole 'fever' thing that confuses the shit out of me. I know a fever is the body's natural mechanism for fighting off whatever virus is brewing, but when the kid's burning up with a temp of 102.5 I run around the house looking for the Tylenol or Motrin, or whatever else I can find to bring it down. Counterproductive? Maybe. Confusing? Definitely.

Anyway, that's what's happening here today. We're vegging out and fighting off the creepy crud. Antibacterial wipes and handwash are my new best friends.

Oh, and since I missed giving you your daily dose of the Joke of the Day yesterday, you get two doses today. Wouldn't want you to miss any of the fun.

Did you hear the one about...
...the frat boy who planned for his future? He bought two cases of beer.

Why was the chicken scolded?
For using fowl language.

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Updated: Looks like it'll be another day at home tomorrow. My poor little guy!

Monday again? Part III

Not exactly the most productive Monday I've had. And very long considering I was up at 4:48am. I guess that's what happens when you sleep like the dead for the first three hours of the night. Early wake-up call. I shouldn't complain though. I'd rather be on the sleep like the dead, early wake-up schedule than the can't keep my eyes open past 9:30pm schedule. That just bugs me.

On a good note, it's been an extremely funny day, so that should count for something. Yes? My girl Stacie and I laughed it up pretty good this morning. One subject after another. We even tormented poor Groove for awhile there apparently making his head spin. Now that's something I would have paid money to actually see!

Speaking of funny, did you watch the Super Bowl yesterday? Not the game. That was pitiful. After the opening runback, it just went down hill. Did you watch the commercials? Seeing all the new commercials is always the best part. For the most part, I was really disappointed this year. I'd already seen a bunch of them, and most of the others weren't worth a damn. Except for this one. It was hys-FREAKIN-terical!!!



And I must not forget the Joke of the Day!

Waiter, waiter
Max: Waiter, this soup tastes like sewer water!
Waiter: How do you know?

On that note, time to get the kiddo some grub. With lots of tomatoes!

got any new music lately? or how about a movie?

I did! It all started last week when I saw the new Norah Jones album Not Too Late was released. I already had her other two albums and listen to them frequently, so knew I needed to get the latest. It's awesome! Just like the other two.

But I didn't stop there. Last night I went shopping and picked up a baker's dozen of assorted music from various artists including Rosie Thomas, James Blunt, KT Tunstall, Mark Joseph, and Amos Lee. Some very good stuff! Have you got anything new lately? Tell me about it.

I also saw the most hilarious movie. The Aristocrats. No. Not The Aristocats. Disney would have a heart attack before he's put his name on this movie. You have to see this. If you want raunchy, side-splitting humor beyond measure, rent this movie now. I seriously thought I'd pee my pants. It's a documentary about a private joke that's been passed on from comedian to comedian throughout the years since Vaudeville. It's disgusting, shocking, hysterical fun told by some of the best comedians out there.

Other than that the weekend was pretty much the same as most weekends around here. A little laundry. A little cleaning. A little football. A little craziness. All in all good. Hope yours was the same.

Oh, and lest I forget the Joke of the Day...

Rabbi: Do you know why Moses wandered the desert for 40 years?
Little Joey: Because he wouldn't ask for directions?

Exactly.

e-i-e-i-o

So it appears the day's almost gone, and since I have nothing to say today other than I was a total moron yesterday and twisted my ankle after stepping into a pothole thus throwing my body into a forward motion and landing hard on my left knee and elbow which are now subsequently fucked up, you're stuck with the following Joke of the Day.

Mrs. Treemont: What is your son Junior going to be when he graduates from high school?
Blanche: About 30.

Yes, stupid. But just remember, I'm not writing them. Just sharing them.

six things you probaby don't know (or care) about me

I was tagged with this meme by the weirdgirl and I'm supposed to tell you six things you don't know about me. Although there's hundreds of things you don't know (or care) about me, it's really hard to come up with six of them. Well, six interesting ones at least. So, here we go...

1. The first concert I went to was to see Shawn Cassidy. It was the late 70's, and he was the major teen idol. If going to see him isn't funny enough, I actually flew from California to Chicago to do it. Yep! My parents stuck me on a plane (my first time flying alone) and off I went to hear "Da Do Ron Ron" and "Morning Girl" over the screams and crying of thousands of other crazed teen girls.

2. I was a football fanatic. Is it any wonder why my kid is too? My first favorite team was the Miami Dolphins - because they had 'pretty' uniforms. Then I grew up and picked a real team - the San Francisco Forty Niners. My dad had season tickets and every home game we'd be there cheering them on. If you know anything about football in the 80's, you know about "The Catch". I was there, sitting six rows up from the field, at the endzone where the infamous catch was made. Even twenty-five years later I'm still in awe.

3. I used to travel, a lot. Both my parents worked for major airlines and we definitely took advantage of the perks. On one trip home from England, Whitesnake happened to be on my flight. They were heading to the US on tour, and I had tickets to see them just two weeks later. We were flying on a 747 and I was sitting in the upper cabin. At one point during the flight, David Coverdale came upstairs to 'relieve himself' and we started chatting. A few minutes into our conversation his wife at the time, Tawny Kitaen, came screaming through the airplane, looking for him, thus ending our blissful time together. I later found out that she was deathly afraid of flying, had been given a sedative just before boarding the plane, and had woken up finding him gone and freaked out. Bitch!

4. I don't wear skirts or dresses. I'm a jeans girl! I can dress 'em up, go casual, or completely bummy. The versatility is endless!

5. I used to be afraid of public speaking. No more. I was cured by being forced with five minutes notice to present a website rebuild I'd done to a crowd of over 200 telecommunications industry leaders. The 7 & 7's waiting for me at the end of the presentation were good motivation!

6. I too (like the weirdgirl) was on a runaway horse but don't remember how old I was. Maybe 8 or 9? We'd come to Washington to visit family and my cousin took me out riding. It was shortly before feeding time, and my horse was begrudgingly sauntering out to the back pasture. When we got to the property line and turned the horses around, my horse knowing we were heading back to the stable where his dinner awaited took off galloping across the field, faster and faster. I held on as tight as I could, laughing hysterically the entire way. It was then I realized how much of a speed fanatic I am, but that story will have to wait for a future meme.

So there you have it. Six things you probably didn't know (or care) about me. Now I get to tag six others to share their stories. How about Stacie, Creative-Type Dad, that Lesley girl, Norman, Liss, and Groove (even though he probably won't do it cuz he doesn't like to share anything too personal about himself).

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And I can't leave you without today's Joke of the Day...

Personnel Director: So if you get this job, who should we notify in case of an accident?
Stupid Steve: A good doctor.

Heh*

* aka 'notsomuch'; not to be confused with 'hehe'

As in I have 'heh' to say today.

Kinda funny that the Joke of the Day is taking the alternate route. LOL

Blanche: I just read a statistic that says that the average person speaks ten thousand words a day.

Herb: Yes, but you are far above average.

Monday again? sheesh!

The weekend flew by. Again. After the week of productivity, I took a couple of days off. Until last night, that is. Started making my plan for the week by measuring my room and all the furniture to see if I could rearrange it. The good news: I can! The bad news: First I have to clean out the junk room, move furniture out of my room to the junk room, swap furniture with WJ, and then it'll all work out. Basically it'll end up being an upstairs redo except for the bathrooms and guest bedroom. I made a good dent in it today, but am too embarrassed to post any pics of the awful mess I'm wading through to do it.

Anyway, while I was digging through the mountains of shit that'd accumulated, I came across a desk calendar from 2001 that'd never been opened. The Original Jokes! PUNS & Riddles Calendar. Guess what? 2001 had the same schedule as 2007. So, I can actually use it. Hehe! Not that I'll really "use" the calendar, but I will subject you to the stupidity of it on a daily basis. So without further ado, I bring you the.....

Joke of the Day
Did you hear the one about the termite?
He walked into a saloon and asked, "Is the bar tender here?"

Oh c'mon! It's funny!! Sheesh, tough crowd.

In other news...

Work Watch
Received my "thanksbutnothanks" letter from state agency today. Talk about a tough crowd. Oh well! There's gotta be something out there for me. Right?

That's about it for today. Time to go crack open a cold one. Enjoy!

afternoon at the movies

Yep. I did it. I dragged the kid to see Night at the Museum. And, just as predicted, he loved it! It seriously is a great movie. If you haven't seen it yet, get out there while you can. For those of you who don't "go" to the movies (you know who you are), put it on your list for when it comes out on rental.

We laughed so hard! The special effects with animals and statues is terrific, but the allstar casting of Ben Stiller, Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney, Robin Williams, Owen Wilson, and Brad Garrett really puts it over the edge. All incredibly talented and equally hysterical. Williams plays President Teddy Roosevelt, and (yes Stacie) I now can't imagine anyone else in the world filling that role. Wilson is Jedediah (the little guy in the picture above), a cowboy out to run Stiller over with a train. He may have been little in the movie, but his character proves to be bigger than life.

On the way home I was told "I loved that movie! Can we go rent it?" For a kid that had to be hogtied to go, he certainly had a good time. This one will definitely be on our must buy list when it's released.

and on this next page, I wrote about...

The past couple of days I've been really productive. Not sure what bit me in the ass, but I'm going with it. Or at least I was until last night.

See, there's this little thing I might have mentioned once or twice before. I need a job! What? You didn't hear me? I need a job!! Yeah, we're back to that again. Actually, we never left, but I'm sure you get tired of hearing me complain about it as much as I get tired of bringing it up.

Never heard back from state agency after the last we haven't scheduled second round interviews yet email. Uh huh. Well, the first round was two weeks ago, so I'm pretty sure that one's in the toilet now. Submission deadline for corporate computer giant is today, so now I start the panicky jump every time the phone rings hoping it's a call for an interview feeling again.

In the meantime, I keep looking. Surfing the web. Printing out job descriptions. Filling out applications. I've reworked my resume and cover letter again, because let's face it there's obviously something they just aren't seeing that's really important to them. I wish I knew what it was.

Anyway, so back to yesterday. I finished the updates, had my stack of job reqs in front of me, and started going through collecting the various information each requires for its application process. Typically it's the standard cover letter, resume, references, and most times (government) an application. Let me share with you the application process I encountered in yesterday's stack:

APPLICATION PROCESS
In order to be considered for this position, all applicants must submit the following:

1. A cover letter that clearly describes how your experience and education have prepared you for the duties of this position and the requirements listed on this announcement. CHECK - tweeked the letter to include key words from the announcement
2. A resume that provides clear, detailed information about your job-related education and experience. CHECK - just reworked that one!
3. A certificate with your typing speed and accuracy. What the? Ok. Not to worry. I can get one of those.
4. The names of three or more professional references including contact information and a statement from you granting permission to contact them. CHECK
5. Three or four writing samples demonstrating your ability to write clearly, concisely, with proper grammer and spelling.

Writing samples? They want writing samples? This isn't for a technical writing position. This is a damn administrative job announcement. Since when am I supposed to have a portfolio of writing samples to whip out? Ok, let's think about this. Cover letter. Writing sample. Resume. Writing sample. Beyond that the only writing I've got is email or blog writing. Uh, yeah. Not. So. Much.

There you have it. It's no wonder I can't find a damn job with obscure requests like that. Now if they'd asked me to create a scrapbook for them, I'd have had it sealed.

the best banana muffins ever

Or so I've been told by WJ's first grade class. Hehe!

So you remember the other day I was making banana muffins for WJ's un-birthday at school? Apparently they were a big hit. How big a hit you ask? A half dozen or so of them asked for the recipe. Yes! You read that right. First graders asked for the recipe for my banana muffins. Too funny! I typed it up, took it to school, and made copies for the teacher to handout. I'm sure their parents will be thrilled.

For those of you who might want to try the best banana muffins ever, here's my secret recipe. Enjoy!

Banana (Nut*) Muffins

1 cup sugar
1/3 cup margarine or butter, softened
2 eggs
1 ½ cup mashed ripe bananas**
(3 to 4 medium)
1/3 cup water
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
¼ tsp baking powder
½ cup chopped nuts (omit nuts if desired)*

Heat oven to 400◦. Grease bottom only of muffin tins (or loaf pan to make bread). Mix sugar and margarine. Stir in eggs until blended. Add bananas and water; mix thoroughly. Stir in remaining ingredients except nuts just until moistened; stir in nuts. Pour into tins (or loaf pan). Bake approximately 23 minutes or until dark golden brown.

*I use chopped walnuts in mine, but you can also use pecans or omit the nuts entirely.

**I take bananas that have started to turn and throw them in the freezer until I’m ready to make muffins (bread). Thaw in a bowl the day before. Note: The banana skins will turn black while in the freezer, but the soft, ripened bananas are the best for this recipe.

and the blood spew forth from the spawn in rivers

There's this little game called basketball. The one where you take a round, orange ball and hurl it towards this little hoop hoping to make it in. Have you heard of it? Here in our house we have three forms of said game: 1) watching it on TV, 2) shooting with a regulation sized hard ball into the hoop purchased by The Rents residing in our garage, and 3) shooting the mini sized Nerf soft ball into the mini hoop hanging on the laundry room door. The latter being the most used at this time of the year and apparently also the most dangerous of all.

Last month, after donning the house with Christmas cheer, I entered the family room to find WJ sitting on the couch, extremely upset and fighting back tears. After asking what the problem was I was told about how the soft Nerf basketball had bounced off the rim of the cheap plastic hoop hanging off aforementioned door and careened into one of the equally cheap plastic candles adorning the mantle. Said candle then toppled off the mantle, crashed to the floor, and smashed the glass bulb to smithereens. Was WJ hurt? Had glass shards ricocheted off the train table and flown into his eyes causing him sudden and permanent blindness? Of course not. The problem wasn't pain inflicted by the breaking of the bulb, or the candle for that matter. It was fear that the revered hoop would be removed, dismantled, and potentially thrown away because this soft Nerf basketball had smashed the cheap ass piece of shit candle. If you haven't gotten the correlation yet, maybe last night's incident of epic proportions will clear things up for you.

After playing a few rounds of "first to ten" on the cheap plastic hoop with the soft Nerf basketball, I retreated to the comforts of my barstool. No. I do not have a bar in my house. It's what I sit on while working on the computer that's perched on the breakfast bar between the kitchen and family room. Though putting in a bar isn't a bad idea. Anyway, I digress. The TV was playing some college basketball game and WJ continued to shoot hoops while occassionally glancing at the screen. I lost myself in the world of Internet surfing and tuned out the dull noises permeating from the background.

I vaguely remember WJ telling me he needed a Kleenex and telling him to go to the bathroom to get one. But when your kid steps out of the bathroom door and says, "Hey Mom! There's blood on my Kleenex." your entire being jumps to ready attention and heightened sense of alert. I got up, wandered into the bathroom to investigate, and just as I turned to look at his nose the river of bright red blood spew forth dropping onto the floor. Thank God for linoleum. I grabbed a tissue, held it to his nose, and saw the pristine white paper product turn into a soggy red mess in my hands. WTF? How did this happen with a soft Nerf basketball? And more important, how the hell do I get it to stop?

A nose bleeder I am not. Never had one in my life. Not even after getting smacked so hard in the nose with an elbow coming straight down on the bridge during a (say it with me now) basketball game. I had no freakin clue how to get the river to subside, so after bringing WJ out to the couch, having him lay down while holding several more pristine white tissues to his nose, I returned to my post at the computer to search for some advice. I also sent an IM to a friend I'd been chatting with only minutes before. No response. And trying to read the various do this but don't do that articles online was taking too long when your kid is asking if he's going to die and you feel like you've just been dealt a hand you have no idea how to play.

So I did the only thing I could think of. I made the panic call. The oh my God, WJ's got a river of blood spewing from his nose and I have no idea in hell how to stop it call. I called the only person I could think might have a solution. A friend who's kid plays sports and, by the way, who's wife is a nurse. It's great to have friends in high places. Cold compress, light pressure. Seemed so logical after hearing it. And guess what? It worked. Within minutes the incident of epic proportions was over and peace was once again restored to our little kingdom.

Oh, one last thing. I think Nerf needs to come up with a different adjective to describe their toys because soft just ain't doing it in this household.

how the hell is it Monday already?

What did I do all weekend that I didn't even have time to blog? The answer is nothing. Nothing at all. Well, not really nothing. But that's neither here nor there. Here it is. Monday. The start of a new week. My "to do" list is getting longer so I thought I'd better at least pop on here and say "hey" before I wake up and it's Friday already.

So, borrowing a phrase from Chag, here's some stuff only I care about. (If you haven't read Cynical Dad yet, go now and check it out. Seriously. This can wait until you come back as it truly is stuff only I care about.)

Work Watch
Going into the second week of waiting to hear whether I'll get a call back from state agency for a second interview. I have to tell you. Waiting sucks. I can't possibly imagine why I wouldn't get a call back on this one, but hell. I've thought that way before and been slammed. Also counting the days till the end of open filing for the spot at corporate computer giant. Again, assuming they aren't just fishing, or that someone internally doesn't jump on this one, I can't imagine why I wouldn't at the very least get a call. Again though. We wait. Oh, and one more thing to wait for, but this one is worth it. Finally got my UI claim restarted and should be getting a check this week. We'll see.

Get Out the Party Hats
No. For those of you who really know me, this isn't another pity party. Sheesh! Give me some credit. Today is WJ's un-birthday party at school. Yeah. The shitter about having a summer birthday. And being that his half birthday was right in the middle of Christmas vacation, here we are on some random Monday in January celebrating his un-birthday at school. What this means for me is I have to make banana muffins. Yes, you read right, banana muffins. My kid doesn't like cake, or cupcakes. He likes homemade banana muffins. Whatever. I'll do it. He'll be happy. Enough said. Hey! Speaking of party hats, have you looked at the counter lately? We're in the eighties now. 86 days! Woohoo!!

Quarter Million Dollar Tenements
With all the supposedly perceived potential break-ins across the street, neighbors have officially vacated. The "for rent" sign went up this weekend. This could go either way. Though previous neighbors were nice enough, some of the shit that was going on over there (or supposedly going on over there) during the past few months is now over. Done. Gone. This is a good thing. Problem is who might move in. It sucks having rentals around the neighborhood. You'd think with the cost of the homes in this area (yes, I've seen a recent valuation thanks to someone not taking into account that a personal follow-up might happen) the rentals wouldn't stay rentals for long. First, the owners could sell and run in this area. Not as quickly as a few months ago, but still. And, second, if you're going to pay that much in rent, why the hell don't you just go out and buy a house. At least then you have something of your own.

Okay, that's it for this morning's stuff only I care about. Time to get this week rolling. Happy Monday ya'll!