brother can you spare an ice cube?

Does anyone have a couple of fans to spare? Even a few dozen bags of ice to throw in the tub would be great. We're burning up here! It's a scorching 94 today after hitting 90 yesterday and never dropping lower than the mid 60's last night. The best thing about today was going to work. Yep, bet you didn't see that one coming. They've got A/C, and lots of it. So much, in fact, that stepping outside every now and then for a smoke actually felt good, defrosting the bones for a few minutes. Coming home to a house with no A/C that only had the windows cracked all day since we can't give the creeps attempting to break in any help, notsomuch good.

Speaking of creeps, I'm confident that the attempted break-in of my front door was definitely someone up to no good. When we (my neighbor and I) changed the locks, we found damage on the door frame and weather stripping obviously made from a sharp object (like a screwdriver or something). Then last weekend, another neighbor from down the block came home from being away over the 4th and told us about thier dog sitter walking in to two young males in zipped up, hooded sweatshirts and sunglasses trying to break in thier backyard windows. She called the cops, but by the time they arrived the culprits were gone (of course!). I'm thinking it's time for a neighborhood watch program and a few lessons in target practice (HINT, HINT!!!).

On the lighter side of things, I finally got my hair cut today. After waking up from my mid-morning migraine nap on Monday I remembered I'd wanted to call and make an appointment. Lucky for me she had an opening this afternoon, which I gladly took. Nothing much different except all the dead ends and scragglies are now gone. Oh, and there's less to tie up off my neck on hot days like this. I just love the feel the first day of a haircut. My whole head feels lighter. No, it's not the air seeping out of my ears!

One last random thought since I've jumped around a lot here and am now hot and sweaty from doing so. I couldn't help myself from checking out my rating. Hehe! I am pleased to announce that I've hit the big time, baby!! This blog is Rated R.



My rating is based on the following:

• shit (9x)
• crap (3x)
• dead (2x)
• kill (1x)

So now that I'm done rambling about crap you could care less about, I'm gonna go crack another brewski to cool down before this shitty heat kills me dead. Peace out, bitches!

wednesday wrap-up (is there even a version anymore?)

It's been ages since I've done a Wednesday Wrap-up and since today I'm off work and I've actually had time to catch up on reading and commenting on all my favorite blogs, I thought I'd do a quick wrap-up before getting my lazy butt in gear for the festivities of the afternoon.

The Birthday Circuit - Bad, I know, but I didn't even post a birthday message to my main squeeze. Happy Birthday Kiddo!! The kiddo brought in his 7th year with a birthday bash at one of the local bowling alleys. And that was just the start to almost a week of birthday celebrating. His actual birthday (the 26th - same as Dan's) was spent dining at his favorite restaurant, The Mayan, and playing with his hot new PlayStation, courtesy of his grandparents. Then last weekend was spent attending two birthday parties for friends. I swear he's got more of a social life than me!

Break-in(g) News! - I am now the proud owner of a new set of front door locks. Thanks to my awesome neighbor who came over on Sunday to help me get the crazy thing installed, I'm resting a little bit easier now. I'll always wonder who was trying to get in, for what reason, and when, but with all my neighbors on alert, the 100+ pound furry protection system I own, and the sparkling new jewels adorning my front door I'm not worrying about it. Not too much at least.

(Not) Flying Under the Radar - My second round at The Winnebago has been educational, frustrating, enjoyable, and as of Monday, rewarding. I know I haven't really talked at all about my new job, so suffice it to say I've embarked upon a new career. The world of procurement. I've done my fair share of purchasing through all my previous careers, but this has been a new game entirely for me. One thing I vowed to myself when starting this job was to maintain a certain amount of restraint. By that I mean not get in there and give more than 100% right from the start. That was a hard decision to make for me because I'm one of those people who feels that if you're not performing the best you can, then you aren't doing what you should be doing. Last time that got me nowhere fast (unless you count heading out the door 3 months before my contract was due to expire). Anyway, I've been holding back. Attempting to fly under the radar. And obviously not doing a very good job of it either. During our biweekly staff meeting on Monday afternoon I was presented with a Customer Recognition Award. Not one but three of my customers sent beaming emails to my manager about me. Ugh! I truly hate being in the spotlight, but what I hate even more is that I can't even get myself to just do what needs to be done and stop trying to fix everything that's broken. Ah well! At least I got a teeny tiny little bonus out of it.

BBQ Fever - We're off to the neighbor's for a BBQ this afternoon. No. The evil spawn won't be there. They're gone on vacation and the neighborhood's been a peaceful haven ever since. This is the party crowd getting together. Last Saturday night we sat around drinking, and talking, and drinking for hours while the kids ran around the neighborhood. All without incident. What fun! And today should be more of the same. It's gonna be damned HOT but with the help of the sprinklers and a new slip-n-slide, not to mention the A/C coursing through the neighbor's house, we shouldn't have to put up with too many sweat beads in our eyes. Now I've got to get off my ass and get my fruit platter put together, dig out my chip bowls, and get this place picked up before the good times begin. I hope all of you are off enjoying some holiday fun today!

Cheers!!

what was it I was just saying?

What was that I was saying the other day? Something about not having anything to write about? Uh... yeah. You'd think I'd learn my lesson about posting stuff like that. But noooo! I had to go and open that can of worms. Didn't I?

First, thanks to all of you who not only read my whining but actually left me comments and suggestions. You gave me the warm fuzzies because frankly I figured ya'll probaby gave up on me and got tired of coming over here to see nothing new. You like me! You really like me!!

Anyway, as my life goes, whenever I lay things out on the line, like saying there was nothing worth writing about, all sorts of things just start gelling. Take yesterday for example. During my lunch break not one but two blog worthy stories came up during conversations with co-workers. I was really excited to come home, get the normal shit of the day done, and plunk myself down in front of the computer to write. Except life had other plans for me. So these two stories and using some of the suggestions from my adoring fans will have to wait for another day. Today I tell you about my Friday night adventure at home.

It started off as a typical Friday evening - leave work, drive home through the massive downpour that decided to come down right in the middle of rush hour causing traffic to back up for miles in both directions of the Interstate, pick up the kiddo, hang with him for awhile, then yak on the phone with my girl Stace. Sounds boring enough, eh? Well don't run off yet. This is where it gets good. Or bad. It all depends on how you look at it.

If I'm not roaming around the house doing laundry or cleaning up the kitchen I'm usually pacing between the garage and the living room when I'm talking on the phone. I hang outside smoking then retreat to the quiet of the living room for awhile so I don't have to listen to the teevee and play noises. Anyway, last night I was sitting on the sofa in the living room. It runs the length of the long wall and faces the wall of the front door entry with the actual front door to the left. As we're yakking about whatever something caught my eye - the trim around the front door. From my position on the sofa something looked amiss. Like the trim, or the door, was warped or something. And no I wasn't drunk. I was only on my first beer.

I stood up and walked to the door for closer inspection and as I approached I realized that the entire door frame where the chain lock is attached and draped over to the front door was pulled out from the wall. WTF? Completely off the wall. So far off the wall that the tiny little nails used to hold it up had about a quarter inch between the ends of them and the backside of the trim. At this point I interrupt whatever Stace is saying and tell her what I'm looking at. It completely baffled me because 1) my parents were just here for a week so there was always someone around the house during the entire day and night and if they'd had any mishaps with the front door they not only would have told me, but would have made sure it was fixed better than it'd been before they left to go back home, 2) we rarely ever use the front door since I park the car in the garage and we just come in through the laundry room, and 3) with a dog like my Jake, someone would have to really want in bad to go through the trouble of trying to get past him.

With no damage to the door, inside or out, and the door being double locked (deadbolt and all), and the chain still attached to both the trim and the door, it was baffling. Besides me, there are only three others who have a key to the house - my parents (previously exhonerated), my neighbor who was watching my kiddo all week before and after summer camp, and my ex (long story why, and not something I'll discuss here). So I asked WJ if they (him, the neighbor, the neighbor's kids, or any or all of the above) had tried to get into the house at all during the day while I was at work. Nope. Wasn't them. So that left only two other options. The ex, or someone who somehow got a key to my house or knows how to pick a lock AND relock the door when they're done.

At this point Stace suggests that I call the police. I debated on this one for two reasons. First, I hate calling the police because you always have to call the 911 number and then explain that's it's not "really" an emergency as emergencies are classified but that you really do need to talk to someone or you wouldn't have called them in the first place. I wish they had a non-emergency number for situations like this. And second, I'd already been home for like 2 hours when I'd discovered this and being that I was fine, WJ was fine, and nothing seemed to be missing from the house it seemed a little strange to get the police involved. Despite my reservations I called them. And you know what? They showed up maybe 5 minutes later. Impressive.

So now that this post has gotten way longer than I ever intended it to be, here's how the rest of it played out. The officer listened to my story, took pics, and said he was going to call my ex to see if he'd tried to get into the house for some reason. If he had, I was told I should explain the "rules" to him about entering the house univited, and if that didn't work, I should file a restraining order. Uh, yeah! If he says he didn't, it was suggested I have the locks changed and I would be assigned a case number as a victim of potential break-in.

Can you guess what happened? Here, let me give you a hint. Sometime between the two birthday parties we have to go to this weekend and all the usual laundry, house cleaning, etc. that is always on the schedule, I now have to either go to one of the big box home improvement stores to buy new locks and try to figure out how in the hell to install them, or I'll be calling a locksmith.

This really wasn't the sort of interesting blog worthy writing I was looking for, but hey. Whatever works, eh?

wow, it's wednesday again?

Apparently I opened my mouth and inserted my foot! And other (un)employment updates.

Remember I told you I'd emailed the hiring manager from last week's interview? Well, I got a response from her yesterday, and my big mouth screwed me out of a job. In all fairness it was a trick question. But aren't they all? Here's what she had to say.

First I would like to say that you should be very proud of yourself for going as far as you did in the interview process. We had 80 applicants for this position and it was a very long process narrowing the applicants down to 10 for the interviews. You did a wonderful job in your interview also.

Our Human Resources Department gave us the questions to ask based on what our job description was and we had to score each candidates responses to the questions. There were three tiers on the scoring section. One section was regarding your preference in working independently or close working relationships. Your first response was that you enjoyed working independently and had great satisfaction in doing so. This position would require you to work as a team in a close-knit work group.

In my defense I did not state a preference for working independently. The question was posed as "Do you like working independently or in a group?" As with all the other questions asked, I started at the beginning and worked my way through. In order. I stated that I appreciated working independently on certain things and that working in a group also has its benefits. Notsomuch the answer they were looking for I guess. Damn!

Yesterday I went to our local WorkSource office for my randomly selected job search log review. Basically what that translates to is we want to see if you're really applying for work, or just sitting on your ass collecting unemployment. While I was there they put in a referral for me. What does that mean? It means I have to go online, complete yet another stupid application, then submit that and a resume to an unnamed company paying a measly bullshit hourly wage and then go and talk to them if they want to interview me. Oh, and this has to be done within 48 hours. And I have to report back to the dude I met with yesterday. I swear I feel like I'm in Kindergarten.

This afternoon I have an interview. I cold called this guy last Friday. He called Monday and we're meeting today. If anything comes of it I'll tell you the whole story of finding him. But for now, cross something, light candles, or work whatever mojo you think might get me a freakin' job. I'd really appreciate it!

Why is it nothing can ever just easily work?

C & D came over yesterday morning to help me install the new to me dishwasher I picked up a couple weeks ago. All was going smoothly -- read as, we didn't have water flooding the kitchen after detaching the pipes, and no one got electrocuted while taking the wiring apart. We lugged the old machine out to the garage, brought the new one in, and... where the hell is the water "out" connector? After digging around online, we finally found where the hose would connect. But will the hose I already have work? Of course not! The one requires some special jiggy to attach to the dishwasher, and not only do I not have the special jiggy, I don't know whether the hose I currently have will be able to attach to it because I have no idea wth the special jiggy looks like. Ugh!

C put a call in to the dishwasher's original owners. Far as I know, she hasn't heard back from them yet. D told me to check with Lowe's for parts. I did. They don't have them. So, this morning I'll be calling around town to see if anyone has what I need, assuming they even know what I need and that I've gotten the correct part numbers jotted down from the skematics online. In the meantime, dishes are once again piling up in my sink. Anyone want to come wash them for me?

No, really. Safety at school isn't a concern. Not at all.

An email started circulating yesterday, along with a lot of gossip. What was all the hubbub? Oh, nothing much. Just that there was a threat made by a 9 year old child to shoot two of his classmates. In mid-January. Um, hello!?!?! WTF? And we are just now hearing about this???

The kid was sent home that day, and was not allowed back to school the following day. That was it. No extensive suspension. No expulsion. No mention of this to anyone other than the parents of the kid who made the threat. Not even the parents of the girls who were threatened were told until one of the girls just happened to mention it. Two days later! Again. WTF?? The principal "lawyered up". The girls' parents went to the police. They boy's parents refused to let them talk to him. The board said it would be discussed at the next meeting. In February. It wasn't. And not again in March.

There's a ton of people who're hoppin' mad about this one. Pissed even. Then there's people who seem to think the school acted accordingly and dealt with the issue. I know there are always two sides to a story. But come on. How is sweeping this under the carpet and not even following through with what you say you're going to do appropriate? It's not. I was telling Groove about this last night, and suffice it to say, we agreed to disagree. He asked me what I really wanted out of this, and I paused to think. Accountability. That's what I want. Is that so wrong?

Have you ever been in this situation? What happened? How did your school handle things?

Ending on a good note!!

Only two more weeks till party time! YEE-FREAKIN-HAW!!!!

everybody's workin' for the weekend

Or in our case, workin' through the weekend.

As tired as I am, I can at least say we got off our arses and got a ton of stuff done this weekend. It's so much easier / faster when I have my little helper working along side me. Yesterday was all indoor work---house cleaning, dishes, laundry--- while today was tackling the weeds out front in preparation of planting bulbs.

The planter box on the side of the house was covered in weeds and grass despite having weed block down under the bark.

Thanks to the help of Dumpy...

and my awesome little man...

we are now weed free and the bulbs are planted.

Of course not ten minutes after we finished, we had a sleet and ice pellet storm roll through. Hope the bulbs are snug as bugs in their new little holes in the ground.

into every life a little rain must fall. but sometimes there's a rainbow at the end.

Don't worry. I'm not going to launch into singing The Rainbow Connection, Singing in the Rain, or Somewhere Over the Rainbow. And, really, this post has nothing to do with rain whatsoever. But since I brought it up, can I just say I'm really done. Done. As in truly ready for the sun to shine. All day. Every day.

Anyway, I digress. Do you remember I mentioned something about my dishwasher having issues? So, for awhile there I was putting a pie tin under the area the water was leaking off of, and it worked fine. When the technician came to fix my dryer last week, I asked about the dishwasher and he told me "buy a new one" because the cost of fixing the old one would be more. I figured I'd just run the old one until it died. Until Saturday. The leak, obviously getting worse, wasn't contained by the pie tin anymore and water flooded out all over my kitchen floor. Once again I was on the hunt for another appliance I can't afford to buy.

As if this wasn't bad enough I'd just come from having my oil changed to be told that my transmission fluid and power steering fluid were both showing extreme discoloration and burning. WTF? My car only has 37,800 miles on it and was in for the required 30,000 mile check to keep with the warranty. During that check, both of these fluids were supposed to be inspected and/or replaced. Well apparently my Ford dealer DIDN'T do that cuz there's no way in hell it could look as nasty as it does now in only 7,800 miles. So guess where I get to go tomorrow? The stupid Ford dealer. I'm gonna give them the big ass WTF in person and they'd better not give me any bull back or I might have to pull out the can of whoop ass.

Enter my rainbow connection. Not on the car. For the dishwasher. I was telling my friend C about my appliance disasters when she said, "Oh no! It's too bad I didn't know before. N & T (other friends of ours) just redid their kitchen and got all new appliances. But I'm sure their old ones are gone by now." We talked about other options and I told her I was planning on heading out later in the afternoon to hit the major four in our area--Costco, Best Buy, Home Depot and Lowes--after I finished my house cleaning. Before I even had the chance to finish, or leave the house, she called back.

C: "Stop shopping. I've got your dishwasher problem solved."
Me: "I haven't even left yet. What?"
C: "I just got off the phone with N and they still have their old dishwasher. You can have it for free!"
Me: Beaming from ear to ear "OMG!! Are you serious?"
C: "Yes!"
Me: "OMG!!! OMG!! OMG!!!"
C: "I'll help you pick it up since I have the truck, so the only thing you'll have to worry about is the installation."
Me: Still beaming "OMG!! You rock!!!"
C: "So come for poker tonight and arrange everything with N."
Me: "Of course. OMG! You can't see me but my cheeks are hurting cuz I can't stop smiling."
C: "I know. I hear it in your voice."

The crazy thing is C and I lost touch for awhile there for reasons that are irrelevant to this story. But I truly believe there are no coincidences in life. And this is one of those moments that confirms it for me. Oh! And in case this wasn't enough. Our other friend D has offered to install it for me. When he told me last night he said, "Why pay someone to do something friends can do for you for free."

one appliance at a time

I called around town last week looking for someone to come and look at my dryer. No one I knew had any recommendations for appliance repair people, so I just pulled out the phonebook and went down the list. At all but one place I talked to the 'desk jockey'. You know what I mean. The one who answers the phone, has no understanding of the industry they're in, and simply schedules an appointment while telling you how much you'll owe just for having a technician come and take a look.

The one exception was Brian (who will forever in this house be known as 'the dryer guy formerly known as John'). Just another routine call to find out how much to have someone look turned into a "What's the dryer doing?' conversation. At first I was a little frustrated figuring I was going to tell someone who didn't really need to know what was going on just so they could forget to give the notes to the technician who would then arrive blindly and without parts to fix my dryer. As it turns out, Brian was the technician. He told me what he thought the problem was, quoted a price, and put the 'desk jockey' on the phone to schedule the appointment.

Fast forward to yesterday. Brian was scheduled to arrive between 1pm and 5pm. Don't you just love those four hour windows of time where you're held like a hostage in your own home? At 12:45pm Brian arrived. And 20 minutes later, with the exact part he said was the problem replaced and the dryer humming nicely, he was gone. Oh, and he told me what to do about my dishwasher too - "Buy a new one... or at least that's what I'd do," he said. Talk about great customer service!

So, last week I got a new computer. And this week my dryer's fixed. One appliance at a time I'm getting back to 'normal'.

pop... drip... click... THUNK!

Have I mentioned I don't have a job, and therefore don't have an income? Ok, maybe once or twice. Right?

But have I mentioned that every couple of weeks or so something around the house decides to take a major dump?? Yes, Groove... I know I said I wouldn't bitch about my shit breaking down anymore, but keep reading and you might have some sympathy. I swear I'm starting to think I'm living in a money pit.

Here's the short list that's apparently trying to grow longer and longer till it swallows me up of things that are a) broken and in need of repair, b) broke and have been repaired, or c) are just fucking with me to see how long my sanity will stay in tact.

1. Fireplace. Been broken since we moved in. I think it's a gas problem. Stupid repair dood says it's electrical. Whatever. Haven't spent the time or money to have it fixed in the five and a half years I've lived here yet, and not gonna do it anytime soon now.
2. Over the range microwave. Yeah, it crapped out a few years ago. Lights work. Fan works. Clock and timer work too. Just don't try to cook anything or the yummy electrical smoke will come pouring out choking the last breath you have in you. Thankfully I had a spare countertop model laying around so I can still cook.
3. Kitchen faucet. Brand new one working like a charm. The old one - broken in bits.
4. Garage door. This was a biggie. The spring snapped and tried to rip the door right down the center. Do I need to use the garage door? No, not really. But after a month of going in and out the front door exclusively I broke down and had it repaired. At least I didn't have to buy a new one.
5. Front door lock. A key broke off and got stuck. After complete removal, disassembly, cleaning, and reassembly of the lock, I'm back in business.
6. Roof leak. Yeah, it came back again this year. Short of completely redoing the flashing, and sealing up the stupid air vent that's supposed to let the walls breathe (wtf?) I sealed that baby up with Great Stuff which either turned out to be notsogreat or I just didn't get it in the right place since the leak was still leaking on the really windy, rainy days.
7. Dishwasher. Finding a puddle creeping across the kitchen floor is usually a good sign there's something wrong. Ugh! After 2 weeks of washing ALL dishes by hand (no, no, no!!) a disposable pie tin now collects the 'drips' during the wash cycle.
8. Laundry room doorknob. Ok, this one's been slowly breaking down for awhile now, but when you cut the doorknob hole in the door too big, and the knob slides right to left, what the hell do you suspect is going to happen?

Note: Items 3-8 have happened in the past 6 1/2 months!

And if all of these aren't enough to push me over the edge, yesterday was certainly the icing on the cake. While the last load of laundry tumbled around in the dryer, I sat down for the first time in 6 hours. Listening to the whir of the machine made my eyes a little heavy, so I closed them for just a couple of minutes when all of a sudden...

THUNK... THUNK... THUNK... THUNK...

The loudest and most obnoxious thunking sound similar to that of a washing machine getting off balance but a hundred times louder and faster came roaring from the laundry room. I jumped up and ran faster than I knew I could move hoping the damn thing wasn't going to explode and burn down the house before I got there to turn it off. WTF??? Good gawd! I seriously do NOT need another broken appliance in this house!!!

After removing the mostly dried clothing I just walked away. I couldn't bear to even think about what might be wrong with it, or how to fix it, or how much freakin' money it would cost to buy a new one. Ugh!!

A few hours later, after the machine had cooled and I was pretty sure it wasn't going to explode on me if I tried turning it on, I put the dial on 'less dry' and pushed the start button praying I wasn't stepping on a landmine. It came to life with its usual whir, no thunk, thunk, thunk. What the hell does that mean? I'm afraid to even try it with clothes in there. Thankfully my laundry's done. For now.

At least it's not my furnace. That would be BAD!