and, what if?

I know all of you with kids have had this happen to you - the fixation on a certain subject, or specific terminology. Lately around here it's been 'what if?'. I don't know when it started, maybe a week or two ago, but it's driving me nuts. And it can be about any subject. Oh, yeah, there's also 'and'. I'll talk about that one later on down this post. For example, I've heard the following 'what if's?' just in the past few days.

What if you hit that guy in front of you and he ran off the road and bounced off that tree and then came back around behind you? (heard while driving to school in the morning)

What if you walk in and they say 'blah blah, okay bye'? (heard when trying to answer the question of how long my interview was going to last)

What if they let us collect onehundredgazillionbillion seeds to feed the birds? (heard while playing one of the games on his Leapster)

What if I were a giant and my teacher was in outerspace and I came over and picked up the world and ate it... the whole world? (heard on the drive home from dinner the other night)

And these are just the recent 'what if's?'. There's that 'and' again. Seriously, I could fill a notebook with all the 'what if's?' I've heard in the past few weeks. When this first started, I actually tried to answer the questions. Now I'm at the point of asking 'WTF?'. So that's what I told him. Well, not really. What I said was, "The next time, and every time after, you ask me 'what if whatever' I am going to answer you with 'what if?'". I'm sure you can imagine where that's gotten me. {sigh} I can only hope this phase will pass soon. I don't care 'what if?'.

So the 'and' thing. Apparently they've learned at school that it's not correct to start a sentence using the word 'and'. I'm guilty of doing this here on my blog more than I care to admit. Whatever. It's my blog and I'll write it any way I feel like even if it isn't grammatically correct. Sometimes I really hate school. But my writing isn't the point. And yes, I know starting a sentence with 'but' isnt grammatically correct either. Sue me. The point is he was reading to me and whatever book it was started a sentence with 'and'. "You're not supposed to use 'and' to start a sentence," I was told. "Yes, I know" I responded. "Then why are they doing it?" he asked. Which could have started a whole discussion on why writers take liberties in their writing, and how even though there are rules of grammer sometimes they aren't followed, leading to sometimes rules in general aren't followed and it's not always neccessarily bad to not follow all the rules all of the time. Well, you get the point. Instead, my response was "I don't know. Why don't you ask your teacher?" Hehe.

On that note, since I know you've been missing me posting the Joke of the Day, I leave you with this.

Pearl: Rachel is a terrific housekeeper.
Shirl: Why do you say that?
Pearl: Because she's been divorced three times and has kept all three houses.

sick watch, name calling, and just for laughs

Third day on sick watch here. {sigh} Every time I think WJ's fever is breaking/gone, it rears it's ugly head again. So being that it's Friday and he's already missed two days of school this week, I'm keeping him home again. I need him well by Monday so I don't have to scramble around looking for childcare to go to my interview.

I got a big laugh this morning while blog surfing my usual haunts. I came upon Elizabeth's blog last week via another one. She was celebrating her 40th birthday and being a very soon to be there compadre, I left her birthday greetings and have been back to read almost every day. This morning I read her post from yesterday and it was so funny I had to steal it and post here. It's another meme, but I won't call out anyone in particular to tag. But if you do this on your blog, post here and let me know!

Name Calling

L: Everyone loves you.
I : You are GREAT in bed.
S : Fuckin crazy.
A : You like to drink.
I don't know what to say!?! LOL

A : You like to drink.
B : You like people.
C : You are really silly.
D : You like to drink.
E: You are easy to fall in love with.
F : You are dead sexy.
G : You never let people tell you what to do.
H : You have very good personality and good looks.
I : You are GREAT in bed.
J : People adore you
K : You’re wild and crazy.
L: Everyone loves you.
M : Best kisser ever.
N: You like to drink.
O: Awesome kisser.
P : You are popular with all types of people.
Q : You are a hypocrite.
R : Easy to fall in love with.
S : Fuckin crazy.
T : You’re loyal to those you love.
U : You really like to chill.
V : You are not judgemental.
W : You are very broad minded.
X : You never let people tell you what to do.
Y: Best bf/gf anyone could ask for.
Z : You are Always ready

And finally, the Joke of the Day...

One afternoon, Signore Piani was startled to see a panda walk into his exclusive Italian restaurant. He sat the panda down at his finest table and had his best waiter serve him an exquisite meal. As soon as the panda finished his last bite, he stood up, pulled out a BB gun, and shot out all the lightbulbs. Then he started for the door. Both the waiter and the owner shouted after him, "How could you do such a thing and walk away?" The panda said, "What do you expect? Just look me up in the dictionary." Signore Piani and the waiter quickly ran to the dictionary and looked up panda. Then they understood. "Panda," it read, "an animal that eats shoots and leaves."

TGIF!

sixty-nine baby!!!

Hehe! That would be sixty-nine days until Stacie arrives!! What were you thinking I was talking about? Get your mind out of the gutter. Sheesh!

Other notable events for today include my friend since we were 5 years old, Denise's 40th birthday. Haha! You're 40 before me!! Happy Birthday girl! And my parents' 44th wedding anniversary. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! Damn! Can you imagine being married to the same person for that long? I don't know how they've done it but I'm amazed. And it's also Ms. Sizzle's two year anniversary of her first blog. See, got my party hat on for ya girl!!

Somewhat non-notable events for the day include WJ still being sick. Me still looking for a job. Oh, and Survivor Fiji starting tonight! I should have set up a Survivor pool. Damn, I always think about these things too late.

And now your Joke of the Day...

Saul: Do you believe that television causes violence?
Paul: Sure - my kids are always fighting over which shows to watch.

the uninvited guest

I have a sick kid. Ugh!

How is it when our kids get sick, we as parents are rendered seemingly helpless? Maybe I'm the only one who feels like this. I just hate watching my normally active child lay listless and lethargic while the creepy crud takes over his little body.

And there's this whole 'fever' thing that confuses the shit out of me. I know a fever is the body's natural mechanism for fighting off whatever virus is brewing, but when the kid's burning up with a temp of 102.5 I run around the house looking for the Tylenol or Motrin, or whatever else I can find to bring it down. Counterproductive? Maybe. Confusing? Definitely.

Anyway, that's what's happening here today. We're vegging out and fighting off the creepy crud. Antibacterial wipes and handwash are my new best friends.

Oh, and since I missed giving you your daily dose of the Joke of the Day yesterday, you get two doses today. Wouldn't want you to miss any of the fun.

Did you hear the one about...
...the frat boy who planned for his future? He bought two cases of beer.

Why was the chicken scolded?
For using fowl language.

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Updated: Looks like it'll be another day at home tomorrow. My poor little guy!

Monday again? Part III

Not exactly the most productive Monday I've had. And very long considering I was up at 4:48am. I guess that's what happens when you sleep like the dead for the first three hours of the night. Early wake-up call. I shouldn't complain though. I'd rather be on the sleep like the dead, early wake-up schedule than the can't keep my eyes open past 9:30pm schedule. That just bugs me.

On a good note, it's been an extremely funny day, so that should count for something. Yes? My girl Stacie and I laughed it up pretty good this morning. One subject after another. We even tormented poor Groove for awhile there apparently making his head spin. Now that's something I would have paid money to actually see!

Speaking of funny, did you watch the Super Bowl yesterday? Not the game. That was pitiful. After the opening runback, it just went down hill. Did you watch the commercials? Seeing all the new commercials is always the best part. For the most part, I was really disappointed this year. I'd already seen a bunch of them, and most of the others weren't worth a damn. Except for this one. It was hys-FREAKIN-terical!!!



And I must not forget the Joke of the Day!

Waiter, waiter
Max: Waiter, this soup tastes like sewer water!
Waiter: How do you know?

On that note, time to get the kiddo some grub. With lots of tomatoes!

got any new music lately? or how about a movie?

I did! It all started last week when I saw the new Norah Jones album Not Too Late was released. I already had her other two albums and listen to them frequently, so knew I needed to get the latest. It's awesome! Just like the other two.

But I didn't stop there. Last night I went shopping and picked up a baker's dozen of assorted music from various artists including Rosie Thomas, James Blunt, KT Tunstall, Mark Joseph, and Amos Lee. Some very good stuff! Have you got anything new lately? Tell me about it.

I also saw the most hilarious movie. The Aristocrats. No. Not The Aristocats. Disney would have a heart attack before he's put his name on this movie. You have to see this. If you want raunchy, side-splitting humor beyond measure, rent this movie now. I seriously thought I'd pee my pants. It's a documentary about a private joke that's been passed on from comedian to comedian throughout the years since Vaudeville. It's disgusting, shocking, hysterical fun told by some of the best comedians out there.

Other than that the weekend was pretty much the same as most weekends around here. A little laundry. A little cleaning. A little football. A little craziness. All in all good. Hope yours was the same.

Oh, and lest I forget the Joke of the Day...

Rabbi: Do you know why Moses wandered the desert for 40 years?
Little Joey: Because he wouldn't ask for directions?

Exactly.

e-i-e-i-o

So it appears the day's almost gone, and since I have nothing to say today other than I was a total moron yesterday and twisted my ankle after stepping into a pothole thus throwing my body into a forward motion and landing hard on my left knee and elbow which are now subsequently fucked up, you're stuck with the following Joke of the Day.

Mrs. Treemont: What is your son Junior going to be when he graduates from high school?
Blanche: About 30.

Yes, stupid. But just remember, I'm not writing them. Just sharing them.

six things you probaby don't know (or care) about me

I was tagged with this meme by the weirdgirl and I'm supposed to tell you six things you don't know about me. Although there's hundreds of things you don't know (or care) about me, it's really hard to come up with six of them. Well, six interesting ones at least. So, here we go...

1. The first concert I went to was to see Shawn Cassidy. It was the late 70's, and he was the major teen idol. If going to see him isn't funny enough, I actually flew from California to Chicago to do it. Yep! My parents stuck me on a plane (my first time flying alone) and off I went to hear "Da Do Ron Ron" and "Morning Girl" over the screams and crying of thousands of other crazed teen girls.

2. I was a football fanatic. Is it any wonder why my kid is too? My first favorite team was the Miami Dolphins - because they had 'pretty' uniforms. Then I grew up and picked a real team - the San Francisco Forty Niners. My dad had season tickets and every home game we'd be there cheering them on. If you know anything about football in the 80's, you know about "The Catch". I was there, sitting six rows up from the field, at the endzone where the infamous catch was made. Even twenty-five years later I'm still in awe.

3. I used to travel, a lot. Both my parents worked for major airlines and we definitely took advantage of the perks. On one trip home from England, Whitesnake happened to be on my flight. They were heading to the US on tour, and I had tickets to see them just two weeks later. We were flying on a 747 and I was sitting in the upper cabin. At one point during the flight, David Coverdale came upstairs to 'relieve himself' and we started chatting. A few minutes into our conversation his wife at the time, Tawny Kitaen, came screaming through the airplane, looking for him, thus ending our blissful time together. I later found out that she was deathly afraid of flying, had been given a sedative just before boarding the plane, and had woken up finding him gone and freaked out. Bitch!

4. I don't wear skirts or dresses. I'm a jeans girl! I can dress 'em up, go casual, or completely bummy. The versatility is endless!

5. I used to be afraid of public speaking. No more. I was cured by being forced with five minutes notice to present a website rebuild I'd done to a crowd of over 200 telecommunications industry leaders. The 7 & 7's waiting for me at the end of the presentation were good motivation!

6. I too (like the weirdgirl) was on a runaway horse but don't remember how old I was. Maybe 8 or 9? We'd come to Washington to visit family and my cousin took me out riding. It was shortly before feeding time, and my horse was begrudgingly sauntering out to the back pasture. When we got to the property line and turned the horses around, my horse knowing we were heading back to the stable where his dinner awaited took off galloping across the field, faster and faster. I held on as tight as I could, laughing hysterically the entire way. It was then I realized how much of a speed fanatic I am, but that story will have to wait for a future meme.

So there you have it. Six things you probably didn't know (or care) about me. Now I get to tag six others to share their stories. How about Stacie, Creative-Type Dad, that Lesley girl, Norman, Liss, and Groove (even though he probably won't do it cuz he doesn't like to share anything too personal about himself).

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And I can't leave you without today's Joke of the Day...

Personnel Director: So if you get this job, who should we notify in case of an accident?
Stupid Steve: A good doctor.

Heh*

* aka 'notsomuch'; not to be confused with 'hehe'

As in I have 'heh' to say today.

Kinda funny that the Joke of the Day is taking the alternate route. LOL

Blanche: I just read a statistic that says that the average person speaks ten thousand words a day.

Herb: Yes, but you are far above average.

Monday again? sheesh!

The weekend flew by. Again. After the week of productivity, I took a couple of days off. Until last night, that is. Started making my plan for the week by measuring my room and all the furniture to see if I could rearrange it. The good news: I can! The bad news: First I have to clean out the junk room, move furniture out of my room to the junk room, swap furniture with WJ, and then it'll all work out. Basically it'll end up being an upstairs redo except for the bathrooms and guest bedroom. I made a good dent in it today, but am too embarrassed to post any pics of the awful mess I'm wading through to do it.

Anyway, while I was digging through the mountains of shit that'd accumulated, I came across a desk calendar from 2001 that'd never been opened. The Original Jokes! PUNS & Riddles Calendar. Guess what? 2001 had the same schedule as 2007. So, I can actually use it. Hehe! Not that I'll really "use" the calendar, but I will subject you to the stupidity of it on a daily basis. So without further ado, I bring you the.....

Joke of the Day
Did you hear the one about the termite?
He walked into a saloon and asked, "Is the bar tender here?"

Oh c'mon! It's funny!! Sheesh, tough crowd.

In other news...

Work Watch
Received my "thanksbutnothanks" letter from state agency today. Talk about a tough crowd. Oh well! There's gotta be something out there for me. Right?

That's about it for today. Time to go crack open a cold one. Enjoy!